


Maisie

by orphan_account



Category: EastEnders
Genre: Family Drama, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-06
Updated: 2012-06-06
Packaged: 2017-11-07 01:29:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 29,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/425426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just weeks after Christian Clarke's insecure lover disappears something turns up on his doorstep that will change his life forever. AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Title: Maisie (1/17)

Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

Author's Notes: I was going to wait to write more of then before I posted it but I'm too impatient. The title is the first thing that came into my mind when I hit 'save' and its stuck so it probably bears no actual relation to the story. I have now changed the title. It actually does bear some relation to the story, as you will see.  
I'm making a first effort at filling in one of the many blank areas on the Chryed fandom map but I'm not going to say any more than that in case you don't like it. Its a bit of a fandom cliche but its something that I think is realistic in relation to the canon storyline. Want to know more? You're just going to have to read it! Chapters won't be very long (about 1500) and updates are unlikely to be regular. Sorry, its kind of what happens with me. I have a bit more written and more planned. I'm not planning on making it very long. Currently aiming at about 10,000 words but we'll see.

 

~

Christian crawled out of bed having been awake for some time but too tired to get up. Sleep rarely came to him these days. He'd slept lightly for a short while through the small hours but the emptiness of this place now Syed had left was too much. They had so many happy memories. Amira leaving was not one of them, and the violence that followed had initially driven them apart but even after all of that there was no denying how much they loved each other. There came a point where everyone seemed so much against them that all they could do was leave it behind and close the door and live inside their bubble.

 

A happy bubble.

 

Syed had ended his lease with Mrs Patel and had moved in with Christian. For nearly six months they had lived in peace together – or relative peace... but Christian knew now he had buried his head in the sand. Syed talked so much about his religion and his community and Christian knew now that he had never understood and Syed knew that he didn't get it and so stopped talking about it after a while. Both of them, through their own avoidance, were so wrapped up in each other that they failed to see the storm that was brewing around them.

 

Syed's relationship with his parents had been terse, his parents feeling obliged by their community's practices to cast out the prodigal son they had not long gotten back. The Masood's stalling had in turn caused its own problems, the family being neither willing to submit to community pressure for the Imam and Bushra to cast him out, and yet resisting all pressure to be cast out themselves, continuing to turn up to Mosque and to pray daily in a community that no longer wanted them. The business suffered. The Masood's future was at stake and still, Christian knew he had been oblivious, too wrapped up in domestic bliss to notice the danger they were in. The pressure on Syed. His whole family and community bearing down on him and it had been too much.

 

The night before he left had been the most wonderful of Christian's life. Most of the time, even after Amira left, Christian had had to shut out the entire world to show Syed what they had together. That night was the first time ever Christian had felt like the whole world was there in bed with them, and on the sofa, and on the floor, and Syed didn't give a damn.

 

'One day I'm going to marry you,' Syed had declared, 'In front of everyone,' and then Syed had gotten a strange look in his eyes that Christian had, at the time, put down to welling emotions and brimming tears that soon gave way to another round of slow, passionate, love-making.

 

Later he'd realised it was goodbye. Later when he woke up alone, half Syed's stuff gone. A note left on the pillow. Bed cold.

 

 

Christian drank his coffee and remembered that night, as he so often did. The feeling that finally Syed was giving all of himself in acknowledgement of the world, not blocking it out. The hatred and betrayal once he had left, Sy's letter insisting that he couldn't take it any more.

 

Of course he'd searched for him. High and low. Pubs, clubs and bars. Hangouts. Uni friends. The Masoods, when they'd realised, had blamed Christian of course. For leading him astray, for not keeping him safe. A mish-mash of sins they cast on him in retribution for Syed's disappearance.

 

It had been inevitable after that, that the family would move away. Christian in a last ditch attempt to save the business that had so many happy memories of Syed had scraped his savings dry and taken out a personal loan to finance buying the Masoods out of the company.

 

Syed had never turned up though. He was listed as a Missing Person but the police didn't want to know about a young conflicted gay muslim. If he wasn't a coke dealer or a national security threat they didn't want to know.

 

 

And so on this particular morning, as on every other morning in the long weeks since Syed's disappearance he padded through to the kitchen and put on the kettle to make some tea. Mug? Check. Hot water? Check. Tea bag? Check. Milk...

 

Christian swore softly to himself. Of course. He'd meant to get some on the way home from the Vic last night but he'd forgotten. Quickly he pulled on some jeans and a t-shirt, found his keys and his wallet and decided to go to the shop.

 

He closed his flat door. Locked it, and padded down the stairs only to remember halfway down that he would need shoes and quickly nipped back up and into his flat to slip on his trainers. He locked the door again, jogged down the steps and opened the street door whereupon he tripped over and landed awkwardly on the fortunately dry pavement below.

 

“Argh!! What the...” Christian winced, picking himself up off the floor. His wrist was sore from the fall, probably sprained, and his knee was scraped and sore but he'd live. Question was, what idiot had left something on the doorstep for him to fall over? If this was another one of Lucy's jokes that girl would have hell to pay!

 

Christian took a moment to get over him embarrassment, thankful at the early hour of the morning that meant almost no one was about, and then looked to the front doorstep, wondering just what it was that he'd tripped over and in an instant he wondered how he could possibly have missed it, even in his half-delirious semi-conscious state.

 

At the left side of the doorstep, tucked against the wall, was a plastic baby-carrier and inside, tucked up underneath a wool blanket and a cosy, hooded, all-in-one garment was a baby. A small baby. Tiny, even. Not much bigger than Amy when she'd finally been allowed home at what would have been full-term weight if she hadn't been born early, which meant that this little kid probably wasn't more than a few days old.

 

The carrier was skewed outwards. Clearly his toe had caught the edge of it, sending him flying, but the baby was sound asleep, tucked up safe and warm.

 

Why here? Was it abandoned?

 

Well of course it was abandoned, but why here?

 

Cautiously Christian sat down on the step. Not wanting to wake the kid, he gently reached out a hand and felt its forehead. Warm. Daylight was only just arriving so it couldn't have been here long for this was the coldest part of the night. He looked around, but saw no one acting suspiciously. No girl who looked like she needed a hospital fast. No one hiding in a corner somewhere.

 

“Who are you?” He wondered aloud, but he got no answer. From looking at it Christian guessed the baby might be mixed race. Tanned skin, dark hair...which meant its parents could be anyone in modern, multicultural London. If the kid had been white with ginger hair that might have narrowed it down a bit but he had to admit that just looking at the baby didn't give him much to go on and he couldn't check if it was a boy or a girl without disturbing it and removing its nappy, which could be dangerous.

 

But why here? Why this doorway? Was it left for him, because he was gay and wouldn't have kids of his own? Or was it just random? A random doorway in a street that would soon be busy enough for people to notice an abandoned baby? Busy enough for a new mother to disappear without and trace and leave no one any the wiser?

 

For a time Christian sat, lost in thought, wondering what to do, who to call? Would Jane know? Should he call the police? Maybe take it inside? Or call an ambulance? Surely that would waken the kid?

 

It wasn't until he heard a quiet snuffle and the start of a whimper that Christian jerked out of his thoughts and back to the baby. It shifted, stretched, yawned.

 

Eyes blinked open. Stared, wide eyed. Amber eyes. Eyes he knew inside out.

 

Syed.

 

~


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Maisie (2/17)

Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

Author's Notes: I'm pretty confident about my progress with this fic so I'm putting up the next part.

~o0o~

“Mister Clarke.”

 

Christian stood up from the uncomfortable plastic chair in the hospital waiting room and greeted the young woman who came towards him. She was wearing a dark pencil skirt and blouse, her hair was tied up and she had an identification tag around her neck. The social worker, he guessed. Young and eager. Innocent. Unworldly.

 

She smiled too wide and breathed in, pushing her breasts up.

 

“Miss Dalziel, Social Services – but you can call me Sara. As I said, I'm from Social services, children's department. I'm told you found the baby?”

 

“Yeah. How is it? Have you seen a Doctor? What did they say?”

 

“Oh, the baby will be well looked after. We have a foster family set up already. Most likely it will go up for adoption. There's a high demand for new babies. I really am sorry you had to wait so long, its not every day babies are left in doorways, is it? I just have to ask you a few routine questions and get your signature and then you can go home.”

 

“Wait, a foster family?”

 

“Standard procedure while we get an adoption sorted out.”

 

“Surely you can't adopt it without both parents permission?!”

 

Sara Dalziel smiled. He really was handsome this one, and no ring on his finger – at least, not the finger that counted. He was probably a player, but who cared? She knew she'd enjoy getting played by this stud any day! Sara tilted her head up at him and smiled.“Its understandable to feel some sort of attachment, Mister Clarke. Or can I call you Christian?”

 

“Its Mister Clarke and you can stop batting your eyelashes at me. Not only is it highly inappropriate, I'm gay. So unless you've got a penis hiding under that skirt I'm not interested.”

 

“Well,” The woman stalled, turning crimson. She blinked a few times and her features drew cold. “As I said, there is a high demand for newborns and as far as we can tell its not a recorded birth which means there are no legal parents and you're not, technically, related so as far as I can see its pretty open and shut. The foster family will be here within half an hour. I expect you to be gone by then.”

 

“I am not letting some stranger walk out of here with Syed's child!” Christian exclaimed. “Bitch!”

 

Sara's eyes turned cold. “I understand this must be distressing for you, Mister Clarke, but really there's no need to be rude.”

 

They stared each other down and their voices, having grown louder, were soon attracting the attention of the whole waiting room.

 

The tense silence was broken by a newcomer, another woman, who addressed him quietly in a serious voice.

 

“Mister Clarke?”

 

He turned around. A female police constable with her dark afro hair drawn back in a severe bun and a professional, distant, expression on her face.

 

“PC Smith, Walford Police Station. This is my colleague, PC Ashworth,” Smith waved to a fat, middle aged man hanging back by the vending machine. “I spoke to you on the phone?”

 

“Yes.” Christian tried to smile, but he was still feeling put out by what the social worker had said.

 

Sensing the tension, PC Smith regarded the social worker with some contempt. “Ah. I see they sent Social Services' finest.”

 

“Smith.”

 

“Dalziel. I wish I could say it was a pleasure, but whilst I appreciate your...enthusiasm,” Smith shook her head in contempt. “If you don't mind, I have an enquiry to sort out.”

 

“I'm the child's legal guardian. You can't do anything without me.”

 

“No, but at least I can get the facts right,” Smith turned to Christian. “The Doctors are concerned about hypothermia. They want to keep the child in for twenty-four hours as a precaution. Naturally in a case of this sort there's always media interest of some sort. We want to make sure everything is done by the book.”

 

“Thank you. That's reassuring.”

 

“I have the information you gave us in your initial call and I've taken the liberty of looking up your fiance's Missing Person file. We've made contact with our colleagues in Leeds in the hope of finding Syed there. In the mean time if you have a hairbrush or some other source of DNA we're hopeful of establishing the child's paternity. Abandoned children are most often left in a place the mother knows they'll be found. In this case, if the mother is Syed's ex-wife, the last known residence of the probable father is a logical place for her to leave her child. Off the record I should warn you that in such cases the social worker assigned to the case,” Smith glanced meaningfully at Dalziel who had yet to go away, “Is obliged to act only on behalf of the child. I advise you to contact a solicitor if you're serious about seeking to be made the child's legal guardian. If you do that and the DNA test comes back positive, your status as the father's fiancé would give you a good legal basis to go a family law court.”

 

“And? Then what?”

 

“Well, I'm no legal expert but the courts do look favourably on kinship care arrangements, these days. As long you'll love the child and provide for it and give it a safe home then family and friends are often looked on preferably where the only alternative is to take the child into care.”

 

“Of course. So, this foster carer Miss Dalziel mentioned...?”

 

“I've been instructed to keep a police presence here until the baby's discharged tomorrow. No one will be leaving with that baby without me knowing about it and as the family liason officer I'll be sure and keep you informed.”

 

Christian felt like a great weight had been taken off his shoulders and he sighed with relief. “Thank you. I'll drop something by the Station for the DNA test, yeah?”

 

“Thank you, Mister Clarke. That would be very helpful. I can't promise we'll find Syed but I think that when a case involves an abandoned baby things move a bit more than they do in some other cases.”

 

~

 

That night Christian went home having still been unable to see the baby. He didn't even know if it was a boy or a girl but what he did know what that if this was Syed's child he had no intention of giving up his obligations. The Syed he knew wouldn't want to miss a moment, Christian was sure.

 

He trudged up the stairs, opened his door and then dumped the keys on the dining table with a weary sigh. It had been a long wait at the hospital. Jane had come by in the afternoon bringing Syed's hair brush in the hope of getting enough DNA to prove paternity. Even pushing the tests through as fast as possible however, it was still likely to be a week or ten days before the results came through which meant there was no way he was going to get custody of the baby if they released it tomorrow afternoon.

 

Fortunately they had at least managed to keep the media out of it. As there were existing 'lines of enquiry' Smith, the family liason, had told him her boss saw no reason to make a public appeal at the present time.

 

Bone weary and exhausted he made his way over to the kitchen to pour himself a glass of wine then put on the stereo and collapsed on his sofa. It was at times like this he missed Syed most. Missed the company – Syed's company – that had always been so precious because it was so scarce. Sex was so fundamental to their relationship that they had rarely had time for anything else while everything was still secret. Finally having everything in the open had meant nights snuggled up on the sofa, or the shower, or in bed...

 

It was sharing their lives that Christian loved and missed so much and during the quiet moments at the end of a busy day when he was tired and exhausted and just needed to be there for him and support him, that was what Christian missed so much. He felt the lonliness so much at times like this. The intimacy of living together was something Christian had craved for so long, he smiled at the memory of going all out with it. Hugs and kisses dished out at every available opportunity to the point where Syed would complain he wasn't getting anything done. Other times he would ruffle Syed's' hair to make him grumpy and pouty so that Christian could cheer him up with kisses and jokes until Syed smiled again. Mostly, Christian missed just doing simple homely things together like washing the dishes and then of course ending up with a suds fight. The messier the better, Christian grinned, because it meant getting Syed naked at the end of it.

 

~o0o~


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christian is in over his head when he needs his guardianship to be approved by a court.

Title: Maisie (3/17)

Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

Author's Note: Part 3.

 

~

 

A week later things couldn't have been more different. As Christian stood outside the local county court waiting for his solicitor to turn up he checked his watch nervously and adjusted his tie for the fifth time that minute.

 

“Stop it, Christian,” His sister urged him. “The tests came back positive they'd be stupid not to give her to you.”

 

“I know, but I'm gay and single. I'm not with Syed, I'm not married to Syed. I don't even know where Syed is.”

 

Jane opened her mouth to reply when a court clerk appeared and called their case. Christian looked around nervously, still waiting for his lawyer to appear when he came jogging round the corner, slightly out of breath and apologising for being late. He hastily swept fingers over his hair and straightened his suit, trying to make himself presentable at short notice.

 

Christian frowned.

 

“Sorry,” The lawyer half-smiled. “Had to drive halfway to Brighton for a parking space. Lets go in, shall we?”

 

They were there first, the legal team from the council having waited further along by the coffee vending machine and they were barely sitting down in their chairs when the judge swept in and they had to bob up again while she took her seat.

 

Christian had only been in court a few times and never in a situation like this. He hoped his nerves didn't show, but his thoughts were interrupted by his solicitor whispering in his ear as they sat back down. “This is good. Justice Henderson has a much more liberal record on family law cases.”

 

Christian wondered what he was talking about.

 

The clerk spoke. “This is case number three of Tuesday the twenty fifth of January two thousand and eleven. Walford Borough Council against Clarke, Justice Henderson presiding.”

 

The clerk sat down, the judge banged her gavel and announced that the court was now in session. Before she could say anything however, the Council's legal representative stood up and began to speak. “You must excuse me, your honour, but I understood this case would be heard by Justice Michaels.”

 

“Unfortunately Justice Michaels was taken ill yesterday afternoon. I will be taking all of his cases this week.”

 

“Objection, your honour. The pre-trial hearing was heard by Justice Michaels. The case should be postponed until he is recovered.”

 

“Over-ruled. I have read all the pre-trial submissions. I see no reason why the case may not resume today. If there is nothing else?”

 

The Council's lawyer sat down. The judge's gavel banged.

 

The Council as the party bringing the case were up first, telling a woeful story of the little girl who had been abandoned without a mother or father in a doorway on Bridge Street,“One can only assume because it is busy enough that inevitably the child would be noticed sooner or later by a passer by...”

 

They went on to argue that the DNA that would be presented before the court had been done too hastily and without following due procedure and moreover the Council had not been given time to independently verify the results. Christian watched his lawyer make several objections but didn't pretend to understand what was going on. It was so difficult to tell if things were going his way or not so he sat tight and hoped it would all become apparent.

 

“For all intents and purposes Mister Clarke is a complete stranger to this child. He is openly gay and is widely regarded as extremely sexually promiscuous. He lives in a one bedroom flat that is wholly unsuitable for a newborn child. He has few close friends and his support network seems to consist only of his parents who both live in America, his best friend who is a single parent and works full time and his sister, who also works full time and has a family of her own to take care of therefore there is no one Mister Clarke can fall back on for help and support should he fall into difficulties which he inevitably will as Mister Clarke also has no experience bringing up children. He has shown no nurturing tendencies in the past, having no children of his own, no pets and doing only the bare minimum required in regard to his step-niece and step-nephews.” Christian hung his head.

 

“Objection! Not evidenced.”

 

“On the contrary there are witness testimonies and newspaper articles showing that Mister Clarke abandoned his responsibilities in a notorious incident only eighteen months ago when Mister Clarke left his step-niece Lucy Beale in charge of her father's busy family café. She was at the time only fifteen years old and it is no coincidence that the café was destroyed in fire that very afternoon and required complete reconstruction.”

 

“Objection your honour, Mister Clarke was cleared of all responsibility in that incident.”

 

“Objection sustained.”

 

Christian sighed in relief.

 

~

 

“While it is true Mister Clarke enjoyed the single life once upon a time, my client's behaviour improved markedly upon meeting and becoming involved with his fiancé Syed Masood as evidenced by the testimonies submitted to the court from Mister Clarke's family and friends. Indeed the fact that Mister Clarke's sister and closest friends both have parental responsibilities should demonstrate to the court Mister Clarke's kind, nurturing nature. Both have attested to Mister Clarke's competence in caring for their children whenever he is called upon. It is frankly ridiculous to suggest that Mister Clarke's association with kind, loving, hard-working parents should in some way count against him. On the contrary they are exactly the sort of individuals, experienced in child care and emotionally close to my client, who could help and support Mister Clarke if he is given guardianship of the child. The fact that he is gay is neither here nor there. It in no way affects Mister Clarke's ability to care and provide for Mister Masood's child nor does the fact that he has no children of his own. All first time parents are the same and Mister Clarke has attested to his willingness to learn, take parenting classes or whatever else the court deems necessary as a precondition to his gaining custody. Moreover, Mister Clarke and Mister Masood had discussed starting a family together before Mister Masood's untimely disappearance. In the event that Mister Masood returns to the relationship and takes up his parental responsibilities it is not contested that Mister Clarke would then share care-giving responsibilities for the child as a co-habitee of the child's biological father. It is the sane and logical thing to give the child as much stability as possible by placing her with Mister Clarke, as an appropriate guardian, to negate the need for any upheaval in the child's life in the event of her father's return.”

 

~

 

“I have heard submissions from both sides of this case. Cases involving abandoned children are always difficult and in many cases it would be unwise to try and guess the intentions of the absent parent or parents who have chosen not to take up their parental responsibilities towards their child. We have an unusual situation here whereby the only proven parent of the child appears to be completely unaware of his daughter's existence and is, in spite of all efforts made by Mister Clarke and the Police, still uncontactable and untraceable.

 

“I find it commendable that Mister Clarke acted swiftly and sensibly upon finding the child by contacting the authorities and getting the child to the nearest hospital. I also find it commendable that Mister Clarke is willing to take on the full caring responsibility and financial burden of caring for a child that he otherwise has no legal responsibility towards and his close involvement with his sister's step-children is indeed encouraging. Mister Clarke is also an active part of a small, close-knit community in and around Walford as evidenced by the pre-trial submissions. I am therefore of the opinion that Mister Clarke is capable of caring for the child in an emotional capacity and while Mister Clarke's past behaviour is concerning, I am satisfied by the submissions regarding his recent change in behaviour such that I see no cause for alarm.

 

“Now that I am persuaded as to his ability to care for the child's emotional needs I must therefore consider whether he is capable of caring physically and financially for the child. As regards the last of those, Mister Clarke's income, while by no means large, is comfortable and he has investments and savings that leave me satisfied as to his financial position.

 

“As regards his ability to provide for the child's physical needs, Mister Clarke has no physical or mental impairments and is fit and well. Nor does he have any care or mobility issues himself or carry any caring responsibilities or duties towards another person, such a parent or relative, that would impinge on his ability to care for the child. Mister Clarke's small flat would be inappropriate if he were still in the habit of living a promiscuous lifestyle or if he were to return to that lifestyle at any point in the near future. Nor would it be suitable if the child were any older but given the child's age and Mister Clarke's financial security I would theoretically be willing to allow the existing living arrangements to continue provided Mister Clarke makes satisfactory moves towards more appropriate accommodation before the child is six months old.

 

“And so, Satisfied as I am by Mister Clarke's financial position and his ability to meet thee child's physical and emotional needs I must therefore turn to his suitability as a guardian...”

~


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Maisie (4/17)

Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

~

 

 

Christian threw his arms around Jane and squeezed her close, burying his face in her shoulder.

 

“Oh, Christian!” Jane hugged him in return and rubbed his back trying to soothe her brother's ragged emotions.

 

“I can't believe it, Jane.”

 

“I told you there was no point worrying.”

 

“I'm not home free yet, Jane. I still have to find a new place with two bedrooms and find rent for that and take parenting classes.”

 

“You got her, Christian. That's what matters,” Jane smiled at him.

 

A small cough sounded beside them and Jane turned to find the solicitor who had won them the case standing awkwardly a few feet away.

 

“Congratulations, Mister Clarke.”

 

“Hey, you did all the work mate. Pop by the Vic anytime for a drink, yeah? I owe you one.”

 

“Thank you. The court order is for the child to be turned over within forty eight hours. If you have any baby things to buy I advise you do it before then. Normal procedure is for the handover to take place somewhere neutral, most likely the social work offices. I expect I'll get a phone call within the next few hours to set up a meeting possibly tomorrow afternoon or Thursday morning. I'll pass the information along to you as soon as I have it.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

The man nodded. “I'm just doing my job. Well then, if that's all.” The lawyer nodded once, then turned and left abruptly without so much as a goodbye.

 

“Is he alright?”

 

“Yeah. He's in the closet, that's all. Got a bit uncomfortable sitting next to me.”

 

“Oh my God. Tell me you're kidding.”

 

“Not a bit. See the way he's holding his jacket over his arm like that? Hiding a stiffy,” Christian smirked.

 

“You are terrible!” Jane chastised him.

 

“I am a Dad!” Christian grinned and threw his arms around his sister. “Oh Jane. What do you say we get out of here and go celebrate. Quick drink in the Vic and then go hit the town.”

 

“I'm really supposed to be in the caf this afternoon,” Jane's eyes apologised when she couldn't say it out loud.

 

“Oh, come on. We'll bring Roxy along. I'll even through in lunch. What do you say? It'll be fun!”

 

“Oh, alright then. Maybe just this once.”

 

~

 

Christian got in from shopping completely exhausted. Jane had had to rush home to make dinner for the kids and Roxy had abandoned them in the middle of afternoon to go and see to some sort of emergency at the Vic. The meeting was scheduled for tomorrow afternoon and Christian knew it was going to be a rough twenty four hours getting everything ready in time. There was the cot to make up, which he planned on putting in the back room where his wardrobe was kept. Putting the flat pack together brought back painful memories of Amy but instead of going straight for the wine in the kitchen as had been his tendency in the past he pushed on and got the cradle put together and made up with fresh linens and a mobile and lots of soft toys.

 

But even thinking about Amy, he'd never considered how much stuff babies needed before. There was the formula and bottles and burping cloths and the steriliser for the kitchen. The nappies and wipes and fold away changing table in the bathroom. There was the sling for when he was out and about.

 

The back room would need another chest of drawers. Or maybe a wardrobe and drawer set. Somewhere to keep all of the baby grows and tiny socks and hats and outfits that Roxy had warned him he would have to keep buying at a ridiculous rate as his daughter kept growing.

 

His daughter. Christian smiled. Well she was, wasn't she? She was Syed's and that made her his too. Didn't matter what any lawyer said. The moment she had opened her eyes and looked at him for the first time – him sat on the pavement, her sitting in her carry cot snuggled up warm in her winter clothes under a fleecy blanket.

 

Christ, she didn't even have a name yet. Just 'baby Masood' now that Syed's paternity had been established.

 

It was going to be a long night. There was so much to do before tomorrow afternoon but it would be worth it. The sleepless nights, the dirty nappies, it would all be worth it – because he was going to be a dad.

 

~

 

Maisie was tiny and cute as a button and Christian loved her instantly. She stared at him wide eyed as he picked her up and the first thing he noticed, which seemed so silly when he thought about it, was how warm she was. Small and warm and happy. Soft skin beneath flannel cotton. Pudgy legs that curled up close to her body to save heat. Strong hands that grasped onto anything within reach with a grip that seemed inhumanly strong coming from the fragile pink digits that pulled at his t-shirt.

 

In the corner the social worker frowned and Christian struggled to decide if her coldness was something against his sexuality or hurt at the fact that he'd slighted her but Christian decided he didn't care. He was the winner here. He had Maisie back and though he'd never dared set his heart on having children in his life since losing Amy, the fact that this was Syed's baby changed everything because that made Maisie his daughter too and Christian was going to fight tooth and nail to be allowed to keep raising her. His life was never going to be the same and he had never looked forwards to anything more in his life.

 

~

 

It certainly took some getting used to, having someone else around all the time and remembering to do everything at regular intervals. In a few hours his life had gone from free and easy and yet desperately lonely to revolving entirely around the little bundle of tears and joy that was snoozing in her cot in the room next door. Christian collapsed on the sofa from putting the trash out and resolved to wait until tomorrow to going and checking on The Unit. Billy Mitchell might not have been his first choice of Manager, but Christian was finding that as long he had someone breathing down his neck at regular intervals he was actually surprisingly competent at keeping on top of most things but while Billy oversaw most of the food preparation now, Christian couldn't avoid the paperwork that needed done. Invoices, bank statements, letters and e-mails that only he could write and send and authorise.

 

He didn't realise he had fallen asleep until the doorbell rang. He had told everyone to stay away and give him some peace until he and Maisie got settled down so it had to be someone he wasn't expecting which always made him nervous now. Christian knew he had never completely gotten over Qadim's attack and in spite of adding an extra lock and chain he still found himself shaking sometimes if someone called over unexpectedly.

 

He couldn't not answer though. The buzzing was persistent and it was going to wake Maisie if he didn't answer it.”

 

Christian forced himself to get up off the sofa and stumbled sleepily over to the door in his sleepy state.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Christian?”

 

“James!”

 

~

 

A few moments later Christian was closing the door behind his former best mate both of them wondering what James was doing here.

 

“I don't know what I'm doing here.”

 

“What are you doing here.”

 

They spoke at the same time, then laughed awkwardly.

 

“Look, James, I...I've got company.”

 

“I'm sorry,” James said after a moment. “If you want me to go...”

 

“Not that sort of company. Look, its fine. You're here now you might as well stay for a drink.”

 

“I'd like that.”

~


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Maisie (5/17)

Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

 

~

Part 5

 

Sitting on the sofa side by side with an awkward gap between them, each caressed a glass of white wine and stared at the bottle, wondering if it was a good idea to be drinking while they had this conversation.

 

“Christian, I, I know this is awkward. Things ended badly. I was hurt. But you were my best mate for so long. I miss that. I miss you.”

 

“Me too.”

 

“You did hurt me Christian.”

 

“I know. I'm sorry. I never should have slept with you.”

 

“Christian I have to know...did it mean anything at all to you or was I just another warm body.”

 

Christian looked over at James, sorrow in his eyes. “You were a safe bet, James. You were a friend, you liked me and I knew you'd never hurt me – and you were never ashamed to be seen with me.”

 

“Why would I be. You're Christian Clarke, remember,” James jostled him with his shoulder but Christian just smiled sadly and went back to his wine.

 

~

 

“I was a different person then,” He said softly.

 

“Not so different. From what you've said it sounds like you were hurting – and from what you're saying now it sounds like you're still there.”

 

Christian was silent.

 

“You used me,” James said softly.

 

“I'm sorry.”

 

“Who was he then? I take it its a different guy you're fawning over now.”

 

Christian's eyes flickered momentarily towards James and in that instant his vulnerable eyes gave away so much.

 

“Oh, Christian, no,” James shook his head. Then he grew angry. How anyone could treat Christian Clarke like dirt was beyond him. Handsome, built, kind and caring and yet his self esteem driven into the ground. “What is it? Abuse? Sex? Infidelity?”

 

“No, nothing like that,” Christian paused. He glanced at James and then sat forwards and stared at the floor. He sighed. “He was a closet case. I fell for him, hard. He loved me too but it wasn't that simple. He was religious and he couldn't take it, being in love with a man. You came along during one of our break-ups. I wanted to see him more, wanted to be more public but he was paranoid about his family and friends finding out. We loved each other but he held all the cards so when he said it was over there was nothing I could do.”

 

“Oh, Christian...” James reached out and rubbed a hand up and down over Christian's shoulder in a small attempt at some sort of comfort even though he knew from bitter experience that this wasn't the sort of hurt that a hug from a friend could help out much with. “So now I know what happened way back when, feel like telling me why you're in the same state now?”

 

“We got back together, then split up again. He got married to a woman, marriage fell apart and it all came out – very, very, publicly I might add. A lot of stuff happened then, and we were both hurting, but now he was out there was no reason we shouldn't both be together. He moved in, we worked things out and we were happy. Or, I thought we were. I was so caught up in my own happiness that I didn't see he was cracking. Six months after he moved in he upped and left in the middle of the night. We'd just got engaged.”

 

Christian cleared his throat and swiped a tear from his eye. “I miss him so much, James. Its been two months. I'm better than I was. I eat and sleep now and I have a good job and a new reason to be happy but when its quiet like this everything I've been hiding from comes rushing back.”

 

James reached out and took Christian's hand. “Well I'm here for you. Friends, yeah? I've missed that. I've missed you.”

 

Christian sighed, a shaky breath and then put on a brave face.

 

~

 

When the crying started Christian kissed his guest to shut him up and jumped up off the sofa.

 

“Christian...”

 

“Be right back,” He grinned and pecked James playfully again.

 

“Christian?” James tried again, calling loudly after him but it was no good Christian was gone in to the back room. He couldn't understand what was going on. A few minutes ago Christian looked like he was about to break down and cry but he'd jumped up from the sofa grinning like a kid on Christmas Day and now there was a child crying in the room next door. It wasn't long before he found out. Christian emerged from the back room cuddling a small bundle of blankets and smiling as if it wasn't screaming the house down.

 

“Hey baby girl.”

 

James watched Christian gently jostle the blankets as he carried the baby over to the kitchen. James came over, needing to find out more. He'd seen Amy a few times and knew at once that this kid wasn't her. He watched, bemused, as Christian moved around the kitchen holding the kid with one arm and making up a bottle of powdered milk with the other and only as he observed Christian's actions did he notice the piles of bottles and teats, the baby milk, the steriliser, the safety covers for the plugs along the wall.

 

“Her name's Maisie,” Christian said over his shoulder.

 

“And she's yours?”

 

“Good as. She's my fella's.”

 

“The one who upped and left? He just abandoned his kid with you?”

 

“Its not like that. His wife left him when she found out he was gay.” Christian put the teat to Maisie's lips and watched in wonder as she latched onto the teat with her mouth just as she latched onto her father's gaze with her eyes. “She must have been pregnant. She's the only girl he was ever with and the DNA test proves that its his but Syed left just over two months ago and Maisie was left on my doorstep last week. Syed doesn't know Maisie even exists and I can't find him to tell him. She was in foster care for a week while I got things sorted out but I got a court order two days ago to get custody of her.”

 

“Wait a minute did you say Syed? As in your mate, Syed?”

 

Christian opened his mouth to say something but at the look on James' face he sighed and said nothing. He didn't need to – his eyes said it all.

 

~

 

“Syed is gay?” James let out a long sigh. “I...I'm stunned. I didn't even know... Wow.”

 

“Yeah. Well. No one did. Even I thought he was straight until he came onto me. Oh it was stupid. Part of me wishes I'd cut things off after the first kiss but...I liked him. Really, liked him. I'd never felt like that about a guy before, I couldn't let it go without a fight.”

 

“And he was in the closet all this time?”

 

Christian snorted. “Yeah. And then some. Like I said, we had an affair. He married Amira but it fell apart after three months and we got back together.”

 

“But if he loved you so much why just-?” James waved a hand in the air.

 

“Walk out and disappear one day? Couldn't reconcile his faith and his sexuality, even after six months. I reported it, but the police aren't interested in the sob story of some queer.”

 

“Christian, I worry about you. A child is a big commitment. You never wanted them before, did you?”

 

“But this is different, James. This is Sy's child.”

 

“Yeah, but he's gone. Probably off shagging some other bloke in some dodgy part of Manchester or Leeds. Its not your responsibility to pick up his slack!”

 

“James, I'm not going to argue about this. I'm telling you now, I'll fight, every step of the way to keep her with me. I'm practically Maisie's second father anyway. The only reason we hadn't formalised things yet was that Syed was just out of the closet. He couldn't stand to hold hands in public never mind get married,” Christian paused, a sad expression on his face, “But we'd agreed. When he'd come to terms with being gay, we'd get married. He asked me. Its what he wanted.”

 

“Christian...” James said softly. He lifted a hand to his old friend's shoulder. So Christian didn't love him, but James still cared even if it went just the one way and he couldn't stand seeing him like this, so torn up over some baby that wasn't even his and never would be. James guessed Christian must have seen something in his eyes then for Christian picked James hand off his shoulder and squeezed it in his own.

~


	6. Chapter 6

Title: Maisie (6/17)

 

Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

 

~o0o~

Part 6

 

Later that night when Maisie was once more settled down having been fed and changed Christian returned from the kitchen with a bottle of wine and topped up James' glass.

 

“I think he might be in Leeds,” Christian explained. “He used to live there but I don't know the city, I wouldn't know where to look. Then again he could be in Pakistan with his sister and I don't have her number. I tried looking but I didn't know where to start. He promised though, that we'd get married. Sy promised and he meant it which means one day soon he'll be back. If he'd had the slightest inkling his ex-wife was pregnant, believe me, he'd never have left in the first place. He'd be sitting with us right now with his baby. Sy wanted a family more than anything in this world.”

 

James lifted his glass then and took a gulp. What Christian was saying wasn't what he wanted to hear. There was a reason he was back here. A year had passed, Christian was another year older and James thought he might have stood a better chance of finally getting him but Christian was still putting himself out of reach. There was just one avenue he could think of that was left. One person whom Christian seemed to care for as much as Syed, if in a different way, and James knew it was the only way he could get back with Christian.

 

His eyes glanced back at the kitchen and swept around the unusually messy flat. Papers lying around, bed unmade, cleaning hadn't been done. A baby and a business to look after...

 

A plan began to form in James' mind.

 

~

 

“James. What are you doing?”

 

“Seducing you.”

 

“No.”

 

“Its just sex, Christian. Isn't that what you used to say? I'm not asking you to fall in love with me, but you need someone. Someone to help with the baby. Someone to get off with, give you a cuddle. Chat with in the evenings. I'd be good to you, Christian, you know I would.”

 

“James, tell me you're kidding. I thought we'd sorted this out.”

 

“That was over a year ago!”

 

“And nothing's changed! I'm still in love with Syed. Look, James. You're a hot guy...but I've tried being with other blokes. It doesn't work. They're just not Syed.”

 

“You're gonna die lonely and single. You need someone.”

 

“I love him, James. It don't matter he's gone for a bit. He's coming back, and I'll be here when he does.”

 

“You are completely deluded. He's gone, Christian!”

 

“He's my husband.”

 

James froze. Stared. “I thought you said you two hadn't tied the knot.”

 

“Not in law yet, no, but in my heart. Where it matters. Syed's the one.”

 

~

 

James didn't stick around long after that. He half-heartedly asked Christian to stay in touch, saying that in spite of everything he still wanted to know that his old friend was alright. Christian wasn't sure what to make of it. It sounded to him like James was subtly asking Christian to let him know if he changed his mind and that wasn't something Christian could foresee happening anytime soon.

 

Instead he threw himself into work and caring for Maisie. The constant rounds of feeding and napping and changing seemed to suck up most of his time, but he forced himself to get across the street to The Unit knowing that if he didn't it would all fall apart and he wouldn't have the steady income that the court had commended him for.

 

From then on Christian's world revolved around Maisie. He kept his head down and worked on the business and being his own boss, everywhere he went Maisie went too. She began growing fast. She could lift her head up, smile and laugh and recognise Christian and Roxy and Jane and a few others.

 

All the time in the back of his mind though was the awareness that he would need to find somewhere else to stay, so when the top flat at Number 43 became available Christian snapped it up at once. With a kitchen and sitting room that were markedly less than spacious it wasn't ideal but it was right next door to Jane and it would pass muster with the court which was all that mattered. With some redecorating and careful use of mirrors and lighting Christian at least managed to get it looking respectable by the time his home inspection visit came around and while he knew he would miss the flat on Turpin Road he was used to moving around and this move wasn't nearly as far as some of his past moves had been.

 

~

 

Maisie continued to grow. Her dumpy legs that had once been pudgy and cute but relatively useless gained strength and she found first her knees and then her feet. She began to learn new words and string them into basic sentences and for every fresh achievement there was a smile of joy from her father, mixed with sadness that Syed wasn't there. As time passed Christian admitted it was less and less likely that Syed would come back but he wrote everything down about Maisie just in case and kept albums and videos as much for Syed now, as for Maisie when she got older.

 

There was no getting away from the loneliness though. As much as Christian hoped for Syed's return that didn't stop him going out and looking for company when he got a chance. Every so often Roxy or Jane would babysit Maisie for a night and Christian would go out on the town and pick up some guy and have a good time. He never stayed late and he never stayed over and no lover ever saw him more than twice. There wasn't much guilt. Christian hand never been one to linger over thoughts like that for very long, but when he did think about it, it was more sorrow than guilt. Christian was no saint. He wanted to be faithful to Syed, but Christian knew he just wasn't built for that. If Syed was here maybe things would be different but Christian wasn't good at waiting and he had no idea of Syed would ever be back.

 

Occasionally of course a man tried to get close to him and sometimes he would tolerate a few dates but inevitably sooner or later he always broke things off before they went too far. Nor did he ever allow anyone to come back to his and potentially scare Maisie but where one night stands had one been all about fun and adventure now that he had tasted the real deal they seemed now to only scratch the itch for a while. His body got off on it, but his mind wasn't there. Maisie was his one joy. Eyes that were otherwise hollow lit up genuinely when he saw her . As she grew older her personality grew too.

 

~

 

“I can't believe she''s nearly old enough for nursery.”

 

“I know. Next week. They grow so fast.”

 

“It'll be almost four years.”

 

“Three and a half.”

 

“Same difference really. She doesn't even understand. I try to tell her but I'm the Dad she knows and I'm here. It doesn't make sense to her to have another father she's never met.”

 

“She'll get it when she's older, Christian. Now tell me, have you got the uniforms. Personally I think its absurd to have to wear uniforms to nursery but its your choice.”

 

“Its a good school, Jane, and she looks amazing in her dress and cardi.”

 

“Ah, gingham. Those were the days.”

 

Christian laughed. “Yeah, well, between the frills on her socks and the frills on her collar and the immaculate washing and ironing you'd never guess her father was gay, would you?”

 

“Trust me, Christian, when you turn up on the first day I don't think the other Mums are going to mind which team you're batting for.”

 

~o0o~


	7. Chapter 7

Title: Maisie (7/17)

Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

 

~o0o~

 

Part 7

 

“Oh, my, God.”

 

“Please tell me he is single.”

 

“Look at those arms.”

 

Christian ignored the whispers around him. He was used to people noticing him. He still worked out regularly and it showed in how he looked and the attention that he got. If things had been different he might even have shared a joke with them but not today. Today was for Maisie, her first proper day at nursery school, all grown up. The first time she would spend more than a few intermittent hours away from him on a regular basis and he knew already how much he would miss her. He blinked back his tears though, not wanting to upset Maisie who was glancing up at him every so often as if for reassurance even as she gripped his hand tightly by his side.

 

They stopped out side the school gates and his mind flashed back to the day she was born. Now here she was standing before him as cute as ever and just a little bit beautiful. Already at nearly four her mother's and father's good looks were showing through and Christian knew he'd be fighting them off when she got old enough to date boys – or girls – but that was years off yet. Right now Maisie stood before him, hair plaited neatly, grey cardigan over her gingham dress with its white lace collar. On her back was a kids school bag that was still too big for her with her coloured pens in it and sandwiches and juice and snacks in case she got hungry before he came back to pick her up at lunch. White ankle socks showed off her dimpled knees that peeped out every so often from beneath the skirt that was an inch or so too long, to give her room to grow a bit.

 

As Maisie walked the last few steps her feet patted softly on the tarmac, her little feet clad in shiny black patent leather shoes that Maisie had picked out herself. He looked down at her shoes and frowned. The buckles she couldn't yet do herself and her feet were still slightly turned in, something their GP had assured Christian she would eventually grow out of.

 

“If you need your shoes off get your teacher to help with the buckles okay?”

 

Maisie nodded obediently, her thick black pony tail bobbing as she did so.

 

Christian kneeled down then and brushed a few hairs back from her forehead. “So grown up,” He muttered quietly and found himself once more blinking back tears.

 

“Don't cry Daddy!” Maisie rushed to give him a hug and Christian embraced her willingly letting Maisie burrow into his shoulder as she had done since she was a baby. Then the bell rang and a teacher appeared in the playground to call in the kids and it was time to go and Christian could only watch as Maisie walked away from him and towards her own life for the first time.

 

~

 

Soon Maisie began to settle in at nursery school. He would take her there in the morning, go to work at The Unit and then return for her at lunch. Occasionally if things got busy and he found himself working through lunch he would be a few minutes late picking her up but when this happened he knew she was somewhere safe and he could only get by as a single parent by juggling everything.

 

One day a few weeks later however everything was going wrong. His manager had called in sick and a wedding they were catering was being moved forwards two weeks leaving them rushed off their feet to get everything prepared in time and sort all of the necessary health and safety paperwork. Then he got stuck in traffic and before he knew it he was nearly an hour late picking Maisie up from nursery. He had called ahead to make sure Maisie was okay and to assured them that he was coming for her and when he did get there she was sitting happily drawing a picture having already eaten the sandwiches that she normally nibbled in the car on the way home.

 

Maisie was ecstatic to see him and ran up to him for a hug as soon as she saw him and he carried her outside apologising for being so late and promising her a reward for being such a good girl and waiting very patiently. On the way to the car Maisie admonished him for being late, but then proceeded to telling him in great detail everything that had happened at nursery that day and Christian listened with dry amusement as Maisie babbled away about an argument she'd had with a classmate, as if establishing who got to use the red crayon first was the most important thing in all the world.

 

“Well that's the thing Maisie,” Christian told her as they turned out the school gates towards the car, “Sometimes in life you have to share. If you want one thing and the other person wants another thing you have to find a way to make both of you happy.”

 

Maisie got a very serious look on her face as she carefully considered this new piece of information when a familiar male voice stopped Christian dead.

 

“Sounds like good advice.”

 

Slowly Christian turned around. He couldn't believe it. There stood just a few yards away, completely out of the blue, was Syed's father, Masood, carrying a little boy who could only be Kamil towards the school from the other direction. They stepped towards each other astonishment and surprise colouring their features.

 

“How, uh,” Masoods eyes flickered towards Maisie. “How are you?”

 

“Good, yeah. Business is busy.”

 

Christian's eyes flickered towards Maisie and then Kamil.

 

“Maisie why don't you go play for five minutes? Look, chute's empty.”

 

“Really? Can I daddy?”

 

“Take Kamil with you,” Masood put his son down. “I'm sure you two can share,” Masood's eyes flickered towards Christian briefly.

 

“Five minutes, Maisie, that's all.”

 

His daughter shouted a 'yes daddy' over her shoulder, already racing Kamil towards the playground to see who would get there first.

 

Masood and Christian watched them from the gate.

 

“I take it she's yours then,” Masood started.

 

“Yeah. Well, Syed's really. Got left on my doorstep just after he left. Course, you and Zainab had already left by then and I didn't have any way of getting in touch, and I was too scared of Qadim to contact Amira.”

 

“Hang on just a second. Syed had a baby and you didn't tell anyone? How could you, Christian? That's my grand-daughter over there!”

 

“I already told you, Mas, I had no way of getting in touch with you. Zainab made sure of that.” Christian sighed.

 

“Babies don't just arrive overnight, Christian. It takes nine months. Months, Christian, which means this was happening before Syed left and both of you kept it to yourselves! We're her grandparents, Christian.”

 

“Mas, it isn't like that. Really. Syed didn't know. He never would have gone if...” Christian tailed off and sighed again. “Look, Mas, unless you know where he is all of a sudden lets just leave it, yeah. Maisie's happy with me. She's not even four yet, she's too young to understand. Believe me, I've tried.”

 

“I have a granddaughter I didn't know about, Syed has a daughter he doesn't know about, Maisie has a father and grandparents she doesn't know about and you're trying to tell me that everything's fine?!”

 

“Don't go blaming me for this. Your wife made sure I could never get in touch with you again and as for Syed...do you have any idea what it was like for me when he left. He promised to marry me, you know that? I thought we were building a life together and then he upped and left in the middle of the night. Half his stuff left behind, no phone number, no forwarding address, no nothing and you and Zainab had the audacity to blame me for it when we all know the reason Syed left was because of pressure from his family.”

 

“I never blamed you, Christian.”

 

“Well you didn't exactly do anything to stand up for me when Zainab laid into me, did you? And as if it wasn't bad enough to have my fiancé rip my heart out stomp all over it, you and Zainab upped and left yourselves just a couple of weeks later leaving me to mortgage myself up to the eyeballs to try and buy you out of Marsala Queen, which is doing fine by the way, no thanks to you. In six weeks I'd gone from happy and financially secure to having to juggle a car wreck of a personal life with more credit than I knew how to handle and then what happens? My ex's baby lands on my doorstep out of the blue. I had to go to court to get to keep her. My finances, my personal life, everything dragged out in a court room in front of strangers for the sake of a kid who wasn't even actually mine.” Christian paused. “If she calls me her Dad now, its because I've earned that right, Mas, the hard way. I have fought for her and loved her and taken care of her and given her a home and I have saved her and me from the financial ruin that you left me to while her mother and father and grandparents all put themselves out of reach out of spite, because I was a gay man who fell in love.” Christian took in a deep breath, trying to calm himself down and rein in his heightened emotions. “Look, I know you find it hard to accept me but the reason its just been her and me for so long isn't because I kept everyone else out of the loop, its because knowing or unknowingly everyone else removed themselves from her life and I was there and I took care of her. Now, I might not have a bit of paper now that says I'm her Dad but in every way that matters she is mine and I will do anything and everything I have to, to protect her – so maybe the question you should be asking isn't why you're not in her life, its why, after everything you and your family did to me and Amira and Sy, I should ever let you or Zainab be any part of her life.”

 

~o0o~


	8. Chapter 8

Title: Maisie (8/17)

 

Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

 

~o0o~

 

Part 8

 

Driving home Christian couldn't get his mind off Masood. They would go home so Maisie could change into something more comfortable but even as his daughter babbled away to herself in the background, playing with a stray doll that he had forgotten to clear out of the car, his mind went back to Syed and Masood.

 

He knew Masood had been shocked to find out about Maisie. Maybe he had gone too far, the way he'd gone off like that, but Maisie was his daughter and if Syed turned up that was one thing but he wasn't going to let Zainab get her dirty paws on her granddaughter and start corrupting her against him.

 

Christian knew he should feel proud of himself. He had been a good father to Maisie and the two of them had a very special relationship. A few years ago he would only have been able to dream of what it might be like to be a father. Now he understood why Syed had always been so desperate for this and when he thought about that it felt all the more wrong that Syed wasn't a part of Maisie's life.

 

And just where was Syed? The Masoods were clearly still in London, not Glasgow or Bradford or Pakistan. Christian couldn't help but wonder if Masood might have heard from Syed. Three and a half years was a long time. Christian knew how Zainab was, what she was like with Syed. Could Zainab really have gone these three and a half years without talking to Syed? And if Syed had left because he couldn't take being cut off from his family, it made no sense that Syed would some be able to stand being cut off and alone better alone than being cut off but in a stable and loving relationship.

 

Could there be a reason why the Masoods had been just as out of touch for the past four years as Syed had been?

 

Christian's stomach turned.

 

~

 

Masood closed the front door slowly and leaned back against it.

 

Christian Clarke.

 

Had they been complacent thinking that this man was gone from their lives? His emotions were all over the place. They really had left him in the lurch with the business but they had been so angry with him. The fact that he had managed to salvage it made Christian rise in his estimation. But Mas didn't have much time to feel sorry for Christian. He was too caught up in the other revelation of the day.

 

Maisie.

 

It was the name Syed had suggested for his and Amira's first child and yet his son had no idea that there was a little girl out there that he should be taking responsibility for and he and Zainab had kept them apart, by keeping Syed apart from Christian they had also kept Syed away from his daughter. There was no horror story here of locking Syed in the attic, but they kept a close eye on him. Syed worked and he attended mosque and the unwritten rule was that he was only to go out if he had a member of the family with him. His mother or father, or Tamwar, or Kamil – because Mas and Zainab were both sure Syed would never do anything in front of a child. It wasn't that they didn't trust him – they just didn't trust him. He wondered sometimes about the time Tamwar and Syed went out. He knew Tamwar probably covered for his brother. Who knew, maybe Syed was covering for Tamwar in return? It wasn't impossible that Tamwar had a girl on the side – but it was more likely that Tamwar turned a blind eye to get his own ounce of freedom while Syed was off doing whoever it was that he did when he thought his parents weren't looking.

 

Then as if called by his father's thoughts Syed appeared at the top of the stairs and it struck Masood then how unhappy his son looked. He was living, but that was all. He went through the motions, he worked hard and kept his head down but there was no light in his eyes anymore, just like Christian before the white man's eyes drifted to Maisie in the playground.

 

In his mind Masood compared the way his son was now to the way his son had been the year with Amira, before the wedding. The boy who was lively and joking and full of life then had not been not a straight man looking forward to his wedding as Masood had presumed, it was a gay man trying to hide how blissfully happy he was with another man. One man.

 

As much as the Muslim in him hated the thought, only having to worry about one man instead of the legions of men that swarmed the London night life would be a massive relief. Right now, as closely as they watched him, they didn't know what he was doing. He always wiped his internet history after using the computer. Tamwar would never reveal where the two of them had been and most of all, Syed wasn't happy.

 

Masood looked up at his son's hollow eyes.

 

“Mum says dinner's at six,” Syed called down.

 

“Thanks Syed.”

 

Syed nodded and disappeared. Back to his room and whatever went on there.

 

'I have to tell you, son, don't I,' Masood muttered to himself and he stared for a long time at that empty balcony, leaning against the front door until he came to a resolution. 'I have to tell you, but I have to do something else first.'

 

~

 

That night Masood went to Mosque, or so his family thought, but as Tamwar and Syed were on cleaning up duty in the kitchen, under his wife's formidable thumb, he knew no one would know and no one would think to ask if he ducked out of going just this one time. Instead of going to mosque then, a different mosque of course to the one they had attended in Walford, Masood made his way to the underground and went in the opposite direction.

 

To Walford.

 

~

 

The knock on the door was unexpected to Christian. It wasn't Jane because she would be busy with the kids at home and Ian would be being his usual useless self around the house. Still wondering who it was, he opened the door – and then closed it again.

 

“Christian!”

 

Christian ignored it. Maisie was having her bath and he ought to get back to her, he concluded.

 

Banging on the door started. Reluctantly Christian went back.

 

“If you don't mind, I'm trying to get my daughter to bed.”

 

“Look, Christian, I just want to talk to you.”

 

“Yeah? Talk to me or check up on me. I promise you she is fit, she is healthy, she gets three square meals a day and I love her more than life itself and I don't need you turning up at my door telling me how much blood matters to being a parent or how I can't possibly know what a child needs because I'm gay.”

 

“Are you quite finished, Christian, or can I possibly get a word in edgeways?”

 

Christian glared at him, but was silent.

 

“I wanted to talk to you about Syed.”

 

~

 

A few minutes later Mas wondered around the living room admiring the décor and looking at the photographs of Jane and the twins and Bobby and Maisie. There was even one of Christian and Maisie with two older folks who Masood guessed must be Christian and Jane's parents.

 

As for the flat, Masood had to admit he'd done a good job with the place. It was small, but it was uniquely Christian being somehow warm and comforting yet smart and stylish all at the same time. Masood admitted the man really did have a gift and all the while sounds of protest filtered down the hall at Maisie not being allowed to see who had arrived.

 

“I told you, its no one. Now stand still so I can get all the tugs out.”

 

There was the pattering footsteps of a child running around. A sigh from Christian as Maisie clearly had run away again after just being told to stand still, then a noise that sounded like items being moved around as if someone was looking for something and more pattering. Maisie coming back, Masood supposed.

 

“Alright, darling, I'll use the spray and if you stand still 'til I'm finished I'll let you play for ten minutes before bed.”

 

~

 

“You're very good with her.”

 

Christian ignored the comment. He had ten minutes to deal with Masood and get him out or Maisie would push the ten minute boundary every night for a week if Christian let her play longer than that this one night.

 

“Alright, if you want to play it like that I'll get straight to the point. I know where Syed is.”

 

“Let me guess. Tucked up safely at home.”

 

Masood's lips pressed together in a thin line.

 

“You really must think I'm some sort of idiot. Syed leaves because of his family. Said family spit dirt at me, screw me into the ground financially and then bugger off themselves and what? I'm supposed to be surprised that you've been keeping Syed hidden away all this time? I get it now. Syed's promise. He meant he'd come back when you let him off the hook, which is, let me guess...never?”

 

“I'm sorry you're angry.”

 

“You have no idea how angry I am, Mas. All I wanted was to be with the man I love. I tried to find someone else but its not the same and now what? I'm in my forties. Chances of me finding someone else to be happy with are slim to nothing with Maisie involved and I wouldn't give her up for anything in the world. Me and Syed, we could have had five good years together by now. Could have been married, raising Maisie together. My daughter would have known her other father. I could have been with Syed.” Christian wilted then, tired of everything still being the same after so long. “I'm tired, Mas. I am so fucking tired of getting shit from your family and you lot screwing up my life. No matter what I do, it just doesn't stop, does it?” Christian paused.

 

“He's unhappy, you know.”

 

“Yeah, well, join the club.”

 

“Christian you're clearly very angry with me and after the way I've treated you in the past, you have every right to be.”

 

Christian snorted and then shook his head. As apologies went, it was too little too late. “I would have been good to him, Mas, I promise you. I still would if he-” Christian cut himself off, “Not that that's ever going to happen.”

 

“You're still in love with him?” Masood asked in surprise at realising this might even still be the case. He had come here to talk about Syed being a part of Maisie's life. If Christian still had feelings for Syed, well, that changed everything.

 

Christian smiled sadly. “I'll always hold a flame for Syed. He's the that got away, isn't he?”

 

~o0o~


	9. Chapter 9

Title: Maisie (9/17)

Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

 

~

 

Part 9

 

“Syed I have to talk to you.”

 

“Dad, I was in bed! You know I have the early shift in the morning.”

 

“I'm sorry son, but I really have to talk to you.”

 

~

 

Syed stared at his father in horror and shock.

 

“Christian's been in Walford all this time?”

 

Masood nodded.

 

“What about Florida?”

 

“Your Mum may have made that up,” Masood winced.

 

“Made it up?! I left him for you and you lied to me! What was it you said? Marsala Queen was doing so well after that investor bought your shares that Christian was moving to Florida to be nearer his parents. Enjoying the single life, you said. Happy!”

 

“Oh, come on, Syed, you didn't really believe that.”

 

Syed glared at his father, more angry than he had words for.

 

Masood's eyes widened. “You know what your mother's like, you didn't really think...”

 

“Think what? That my own mother might for once actually tell me the truth?”

 

Syed collapsed onto the bed and Masood was silent for a long time until Syed finally spoke, quietly and subdued. “So?”

 

“So...what, Syed?”

 

“Is he happy? I expect he's settled down by now. Some tall, dark, handsome bloke with plenty of muscles.” Syed ignored his father's wince. “He always wanted to marry, you know. I mean, he pretended he didn't. Pretended he loved the single life but...all he really wanted is what we all want.”

 

“And what's that?”

 

“To be loved.” Syed scoffed, “Fat chance of that ever happening again.”

 

“He seemed to think so too.”

 

Syed looked at his father curiously.

 

“He isn't married, Syed. Not from what I saw. He's doing well for himself but I got the feeling he was lonely,” Masood glanced sideways at his son.

 

“Why are you telling me this? Going against everything that I am. Living like a prisoner here under my parents thumbs isn't enough?”

 

“I'm not doing it to torture you Syed. You're twenty nine and if I didn't know better I'd think you're a lot more accepting of your sexuality than you were four years ago.”

 

Syed shrugged.

 

“And so am I.”

 

Syed stared in disbelief at his father.

 

“I'm not going to be around forever. Neither will your mother.”

 

“Don't say that!”

 

“Well its true, isn't it? And then what happens? You'll be free to live your life – only we'll have twenty or thirty or forty more years of this first. All that time wasted and for what? Eventually you'll admit who you are because you have to, even if you can't until then.” Masood paused. “I don't want that, Syed. I want to see you settled and happy within my lifetime. I'm not saying I'm just going to be able to accept you living openly that way immediately, but I'll get used to it and its better that than this. Its not like I don't know you've been...” Masood glanced at his son, unable to say what he wanted to out loud. “I'm not stupid, Syed. I know Tamwar's been covering for you.”

 

“I'm human, Dad! I'm a man. I need-”

 

“One night stands?”

 

“To feel human,” Syed corrected.

 

“You're right.”

 

Syed's eyes nearly popped out of his head.

 

“I just want you to be happy, Syed and I think before you can do that you need to clear the air with Christian.”

 

“What did he say?”

 

“He mentioned that you two were engaged,” Masood paused. “Was he wrong?”

 

Syed shook his head, unable to speak.

 

“You need to go and see him, Syed. I'm sorry I lied to you, I really am and I know this can't make things right and I certainly can't undo all the years of keeping you here but its time for me to do the right thing now.”

 

“Mum,” Syed protested.

 

“You're nearly thirty years old, Syed!”

 

“I just worry about her.”

 

“I'll deal with your mother.”

 

Once more Syed found his eyes popping, he was staring so hard. “What can you possibly have up your sleeve that would make Mum okay with me going to see Christian? On second thoughts, forget that. I don't think I want to know.”

 

Masood stayed silent. He couldn't say anything without giving away how badly Zainab would take this and that would upset Syed, so it was better not to say anything at all.

 

“He's really okay?” Syed asked quietly.

 

“He's lonely, I think, and I know he'd like to see you.”

 

Syed nodded slowly. “I suppose I owe him that, at least. I just don't understand. Three years and ten months living like this, snatching nights out with Tamwar and now you're saying I should go talk to Christian! What's next?” Syed asked rhetorically.

 

“Its not a complete turn around, son. I don't approve of your one night stands and I certainly don't approve of Tamwar covering for you.”

 

“Wait a minute Dad, I never said-”

 

“Don't lie to me! I didn't approve this morning and I don't approve tonight but this isn't about that. Christian was different, wasn't he?”

 

Syed could only nod. Sometimes when he dared to think about Christian it still felt like his heart had been ripped out. His mother was happy, that's what was important, wasn't it? He'd certainly thought so once, increasingly though he had been less and less able to persuade himself of that. He wanted to settle down. Wanted a family of his own and he could never do that while he was a prisoner under his parents roof, but like he said, there was no one but Christian he had ever considered doing that with. Christian and Amira – and they all knew how that relationship had ended.

 

Masood's voice dropped to a whisper. “I can't stand seeing you like this anymore, son. You're mother isn't going to like it but I'll work on her and I'm not saying I approve, because I really don't, but maybe I could learn to live with it.”

 

“I don't know, Dad. Its been a long time, and to go and see Christian just to clear the air and...its been nearly four years. You say he's lonely but I know Christian, he always gets by and moves on. He'll have a different life now.”

 

“Maybe, but I still think you owe it to him and yourself to go and see him.” Masood looked at his son and could see he was still scared. Once bitten twice shy, he supposed. “Look, why don't you sleep on it and if you want to, tomorrow I'll take you over there in the car.”

 

“You'll take me over there?”

 

~

 

To Syed's astonishment his father did indeed drive him over the following evening. Syed had no idea what terrible excuse his father could have come up with to persuade his mother to let them out of the house, he only knew that when he came down the stairs his father was waiting, keys in hand and ready to leave. He had no idea what his father had done for him or was going to do. No idea that just a few moments ago his parents had been downstairs in the kitchen having a hushed, urgent, tearful argument about his future.

 

 

“He has a child, Zainab. A child that knows Christian as her father – one of her fathers.”

 

“Its not right, Mas,” Zainab swallowed back tears. “I thought he was fine now. I thought it had stopped.”

 

“Don't you see? It will never stop, not unless we hide Maisie from him and I won't do that to her. Maisie's a deserves a family.”

 

“Then bring her here, where she belongs.”

 

“I can't do that, Zee. Christian is Maisie's guardian and against all odds he told me he recognises Syed as Maisie's other father. Syed deserves to know Maisie and since Christian holds all the cards we have to work with whatever Christian gives us. I'm not saying I like it, Zee, because I really don't but for all intents and purposes Christian and Syed are Maisie's parents. Don't you think they deserve a chance to see if they can make things work for the sake of their daughter?”

 

“It isn't right. Two men bringing up a child.”

 

“I know its not what we want but its what there is. Christian's a good father and Syed's a natural with Kamil and they still care about each other. Maisie deserves this. Every child does.”

 

Zainab's face screwed up in horror. “You want to give our son to...to that man?”

 

“I want our son to be happy and I want our granddaughter to know her family.”

 

“No. No, I will not agree with this. We will go to a court. We can do that, right? Syed will go talk to a lawyer and we will get this girl living here where she belongs.”

 

“Zee I love you, you know I do, but your judgement is skewed on this.”

 

“How can you say that, huh, Masood? This is our son we are talking about here. Our son who is straight now.”

 

“He's not straight, Zee. He's just good at lying.”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“He's been seeing men, Zee. Behind our backs.”

 

“No!” Zainab shook her head. “No, Syed promised.”

 

“And he kept that promise for as long as he could.”

 

“What a few months, a few weeks?”

 

“Contrary to what you seem to think, our son is not a five year old boy running around in Superman underpants any more. He is nearly thirty, Zee. A fully grown red-blooded male and a father. We've done what we can for him. Its time for him to take responsibility now.”

 

“But-”

 

“No, Zee,” Masood said quietly but firmly. “Not this time. I'm sorry, but I'm putting my foot down.”

 

“Please, Mas,” Zainab pleaded. “Please don't do this.”

 

“Think of Maisie, Zee. I have no choice.”

 

“Yes, yes you do.”

 

“If it doesn't work you can gloat and say 'I told you so' as much as you want but until then I am going to get Syed and drive him over to Walford and nothing you say or do is going to stop me, do you understand?”

 

Zainab went to grab him, a last ditch plea to her husband to stop this crazy course of action but Masood's sad, sorrow-filled look stopped her. It was sorrow for her. Pity, for her, because he felt sure in his mind she was wrong and couldn't see it. Mas was confident he was doing the right thing here and was going to hold fast to his planned course of action.

 

Zainab collapsed into the nearest chair and sodden tears streamed down her face, her mouth open with silent cries. A hand reached out to her husband for comfort.

 

The gesture went unreturned. Masood glanced at the hand and then at his wife and then turned his back and walked out into the hall to meet Syed.

 

~

 

In the hall Masood called up the stairs for Syed and then collected his jacket and car keys while Syed came down the stairs.

 

“Your mother's busy in the kitchen, its best we go now,” Masood had said simply and urged Syed out the door, to a new life.

 

~


	10. Chapter 10

Title: Maisie (10/17)

Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

 

~

 

Part 10

 

The drive over was silent. Both feeling awkward. Neither entirely comfortable with this. Masood knew that this very well might lead Syed back into a relationship that he as a Muslim and a father fundamentally disagreed with and yet his son was living as a gay man anyway, right beneath his nose and there was his son's happiness to think of, and Maisie's.

 

He still hadn't told Syed. Mas just didn't know how. Syed had always wanted children. He would be devastated when he discovered he had missed the first three years and ten months of his daughter's life. If he told Syed, Syed would want to see her straight away though and there was no guarantee that Christian would let either of them in.

 

Meanwhile Syed sat at his father's side. Unable to get comfortable he kept shifting nervously. His eyes flickered between the road ahead and his father driving the car.

 

“Syed I...”

 

“What? Dad?”

 

“Nothing, Son.”

 

Strained silence filled the car for the rest of the drive to Walford until Masood pulled up outside number forty three.

 

“Does he live with Jane now?”

 

“Next door. Top flat.”

 

“But why? Its just round the corner from his old flat.”

 

“I think you'll have to ask him that.”

 

“What if he doesn't want to see me.”

 

“He will, Syed. He wants to talk to you.”

 

“But how do you know?”

 

Mas paused and looked at his son, then took in a breath. “Look, why don't I go up first, tell him you're here and then if he's okay with seeing you I'll come down and get you.”

 

“Okay, I'll just, um, I'll just wait here then.”

 

~

 

Christian pulled the duvet up to Maisie's shoulder and gently leaned down and kissed his little girl goodnight. In just eight week she would be four. He would have to start planning, thinking about what to do to make it extra special.

 

“Night, night, darling,” Christian whispered to his daughter.

 

A soft snore replied.

 

Christian smiled and walked out.

 

 

He was just on his way to the kitchen to plunder the wine cellar when the doorbell rang. Nervously he went to answer it.

 

Was it him?

 

~

 

“Mas!” Christian tried to hide his disappointment. “Syed?”

 

“Don't worry, he's here. Syed's waiting in the car downstairs. I told him you wanted to speak to him. Should I send him up.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Mas nodded and then turned to go, but suddenly he stopped and turned back to Christian. “Look, I know its none of my business what happens between you, but for what its worth I just want my son to be happy.”

 

“Bit late for that now, Mas.”

 

“Christian,” Masood shook his head. “I really am sorry.”

 

“Forgive me if I find that a bit hard to believe.”

 

“Christian I've done a lot of bad things to you but at least let me admit it when I've been wrong.”

 

“I'm not stupid, Mas. Syed left because of you. You promised him the one thing I couldn't give him.”

 

Mas tilted his head to one side. “What would that be?”

 

“Family,” Christian said pointedly.

 

“You think he's just here to meet his daughter?”

 

“Its been four years, Mas, what else am I supposed to think?”

 

“Christian, I...I didn't tell Syed about Maisie. The reason he didn't come before is that, well, his mother and I persuaded him there was no point. We told him you'd moved out to Florida to be nearer your Mum.”

 

Christian frowned in confusion. “What?”

 

“I know, I shouldn't have but the point is he's here to talk to you because he cares about you, not just to see Maisie. Do I like that? No, but I think every child deserves a stable family and if you and Syed still care about each other after all this time I thought I ought to give that a chance. You're a good man, Christian. You didn't have to recognise Syed as Maisie's other father but you do and if you two can make it work, for Maisie, well I can live with that.”

 

“Whatever Syed and I decide, it will have nothing to do with what you and your wife think, do you understand me?”

 

Mas nodded, “Of course.” He could understand Christian's anger and his confused emotions about meeting Syed. It was time to make his retreat now. “I'll just send him up to you then. I...get him to call me, yeah? Let me know he's alright?”

 

“I can do that.”

 

~

 

Masood came down to the car and Syed stepped out to meet him his eyes flickering quickly between his father and the front door and the upstairs windows which were softly lit behind pale cream curtains.

 

“He wants to see you,” Syed's father said simply.

 

Syed stopped. What did he say to his father? He at once blamed his for keeping them apart and loved his father for changing his mind and letting this happen.

 

“Syed if you don't know what to say to me, don't say anything. This isn't about me and you right now, this is about you and Christian. Go on, son. Worry about me later.”

 

Syed stepped forward a foot and then stopped, hands stuffed in his pockets. Then without a single word he walked past his father, not sparing him a glance and made his way with trepidation to the front door.

 

He pressed the button.

 

The door buzzed.

 

He went upstairs.

 

~

 

Christian waited in the hallway and checked how he looked in the mirror in the hall. He glanced once more round the flat checking it was neat and tidy after a last minute dash to take a few of Maisie's stray toys to her room.

 

For Christian the waiting was at once unbearably long and far to short, the seconds seemed to stretch on into eternity and yet fly by all at once. He couldn't stand the waiting; he never wanted the waiting to end because that meant meeting Syed again and he was too nervous for that.

 

Christian's stomach fluttered. He paced some more and then footfall sounded at the other side of the door.

 

He stopped.

 

There was a soft double knock.

 

Christian waited a few seconds, then took a deep breath and yanked it open – and there he was.

 

~

 

Christian expected to feel a lot of things when he saw Syed again for the first time. Hurt, anger, disappointment yet he hadn't anticipated that the invisible force that had once pulled them together so fiercely would still be there, lurking, waiting to come out. Seeing Syed again after so long was a like a punch in the gut. God, how he'd missed this man. There was the same hazel eyes, his dark hair cut short, probably on his mother's orders. Black t-shirt – fitted now where once he had always worn them loose and jeans that fitted him snugly without being either too loose or too tight. The biggest change was the look in his eyes. There was nervousness there which could only be expected but there as also a confidence and self-assuredness in his eyes and his stance that had always been lacking before.

 

He looked good. Yes, it definitely affected Christian – more than it should after such a passage of time.

 

“Hello, Christian.”

 

Syed shuffled nervously when Christian didn't say anything. His eyes began to flicker, meeting Christian's firm gaze in quick little glances. Hand stuffed in his pockets, he barely looked a day older than when he'd left exactly four years ago. Syed was so much the same that it nearly made Christian weep. Trying to control himself, Christian let out a half-sigh. His stomach fluttered, his heart lightened and the corners of his eyes crinkled in a happy-sad smile. He cleared his throat, trying to compose himself, to get himself under control and stop all the staring.

 

“Come in, Sy,” Christian said at last.

 

The sound of that name seemed to have an almost physical effect on Syed. He straightened up a little and his eyes brightened. Syed shuffled in. “Its been a long time since anyone called me that.”

 

Christian smiled slightly. “You look good,” He commented, closing the door.

 

“So do you,” Syed smiled. His lips just gave a little tug but his eyes shone brightly. Happiness tinged with something else, perhaps sorrow.

 

“Now there's a lie if I ever heard one,” Christian said, turning his back on Syed and leading him through into the living room. “While you've been gone I've gotten old. Here, have a seat.”

 

“You still look good to me, but then I'm biased.”

 

“Maybe you were, four years ago.”

 

“I'm sorry.”

 

“Don't, Sy. You can't apologise for this. Its too much. Too much has happened.”

 

Syed looked up at him with sad eyes.

 

“Just tell me why,” Christian whispered.

 

“You know why, Christian.”

 

“I need to hear it from you.”

 

Syed was silent.

 

“Syed, if we are ever going to move on from this you need to be honest with me. I can't forgive you if I can't understand it.”

 

Still Syed hesitated.

 

“Sy?”

 

Syed threw a hand in the air. “Alright, alright, it was my family,” he admitted at last. “I've always been taught that family is important. That family comes first. I couldn't deal with them treating me the way they did - cutting me off like that. When I was given the choice I chose them because I thought that was what it meant to put family first.”

 

“And now?”

 

“I've accepted who I am. I'm gay and I'm okay with that. Christian you have to understand, I was a different person then. I was still coming to terms with admitting who I was. I know that what I did hurt you and believe me, leaving you was like tearing my heart out but in a lot of ways its helped me. I had to accept who I was just to stay sane. Mum and Dad got me a job with some friends from the new Mosque so I had them reporting my every move back to my parents. Apart from work, I was only allowed out of the house with someone from the immediate family which meant I never had any privacy. Being gay was the only thing I had that was mine that no one could touch or pry into. It was the only private thing I had, so I learned to embrace it. It didn't happen overnight, it took a long time and I did think about coming to see you but I didn't know how, not with having left the way I did. Then mum and dad told me you'd moved to Florida. By the time I finally accepted being gay you were five thousand miles away – or at least I thought you were.”

 

“You could have called Jane, Sy. Ian, anyone.”

 

“I know, but the more time passed the harder it got. I was sure you must have moved on. I didn't want to upset things if you were settling down with someone else. I didn't know how to make up for having hurt you so much. I still don't.”

 

“Sy, you're not going to like me saying this but, how do you know you've embraced being gay if you've been living in isolation with your family.”

 

“Who said that? I've seen men, Christian!” Syed suddenly realised what he was saying and who he was saying it to. “I mean, that is,” Syed stuttered.

 

Christian decided to save him.

 

“Its okay, Sy. Me too, but seriously Sy – did you never think of checking your parents story?”

 

“I trusted them. Maybe I shouldn't have but there it is.”

 

“How'd you see those men then, if you had to be with someone all the time?”

 

“What is this, an interrogation?”

 

“I think I deserve some answers, Syed!”

 

Syed sighed. Christian was right, of course, it was just difficult to go over all of this stuff. He wasn't used to talking so much about his emotions. “It was Tamwar who saved me. Dragged me to a gay bar when we were supposed to be shopping. It became a thing. If he had a date we'd go out together and then he'd go his way and I went mine. It was never the same though, with other men and thats when I knew I'd made the wrong choice. I left you because I thought that putting family first meant putting my blood relations first, but Mum is Dad's family and they aren't related. Its more than being married, its loving each other that makes them family.” Syed paused. “Family is important. Family does come first.” Syed reached out a hand to Christian. “Which is why I should have picked you.”

 

~o0o~


	11. Chapter 11

Title: Maisie (11/17)

Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

Author's Note: More talking mostly. I've been chopping and changing this chapter (and the next bit which isn't finished yet) quite a lot to the point where my brain is now all fuddled. I think I'm finally happy with it but if anything is out of sequence or doesn't make sense that's why.

 

~

 

Part 11

 

Christian let Syed's fingers slip into his own. He tried to stay calm, conceal the wild beating of his heart and the heady reaction of his body.

 

“You really mean that, Sy?”

 

Syed nodded.

 

Christian was quiet for a while. Then he spoke, “And you think you're okay now?”

 

Syed nodded.

 

Christian looked at him for a long moment, assessing him. “I'm still angry, Sy. This doesn't change that. It doesn't change what you did.”

 

“I know that. I'm not expecting miracles but I...I still care about you, Christian. Dad gave me a choice tonight. I could have stayed at home, lived off gay porn and one night stands and lived an empty life to please my family. Even on the drive over her I could have asked to go home at any moment and he would have taken me back, happily, but he gave me a choice and when he did, when it was you or them he didn't even need to ask. Its you, Christian, it was always you. It just took me a long time to realise it and now its too late.”

 

“No,” Christian shook his head. “Don't say that. Once we've talked maybe, if that's what we decide, but not right now. Its too soon.”

 

“I never stopped loving you Christian, but there's too much water under the bridge! I can't expect you to forgive me after what I did. I hurt you and that sort of hurt doesn't just go away!”

 

“Sy...” Christian sighed in frustration. “Don't put words in my mouth. Yeah, I'm angry. So, so, angry with you but I wouldn't be so angry if I didn't care for you so much.” He paused. “There aren't any easy answers here, Syed and I can't say everything will be fine because I don't know if it will be, but I know we were happy once,” He finished quietly reaching out to brush his fingers under Syed's, stopping short of joining their hands.

 

“I can't expect you to forgive me.”

 

“Syed I forgave you a long time ago. The real question is, can I trust you? Can I trust you to put me first? To stand up to your family? To stay when the going gets tough?”

 

Syed's eyes grew hopeful. “You think we have another chance?”

 

“Sy,” Christian warned. “You broke my trust. You are the one that's going to have to earn it back, you do understand that don't you?”

 

“Yes,” Syed agreed. It was what he wanted after all and right now he would agree to just about any terms that Christian set but keeping his resolve would be another battle entirely. He knew there would be moments of self-doubt. They had afflicted him all his life and there was no reason they would stop now, but he didn't want to think about that right now.

 

“It'll take time,” Christian warned, “And I'll help you and your therapist will help you but at the end of the day its going to be down to you to prove to me I can trust you.”

 

“I don't have a therapist.”

 

“You do now. You're going to find one tomorrow.”

 

“I really don't think that's necessary.”

 

“Yeah, well, I do and I'm not asking.” Christian stared pointedly. When Syed didn't say anything Christian settled down more comfortably and took it as his cue to continue. “Syed, there will always be something between us, but wanting each other isn't enough. For me to even consider giving you another chance I need to be sure that things have really changed for you.”

 

Syed nodded. It wouldn't be easy. He hated talking about his feelings but if the alternative was losing Christian again Syed knew he had no choice. He dared to move closer. Reached out to a button on Christian's shirt and Christian watched Syed wistfully as Syed played with it. An old habit that both shared and neither was quite able to remember who had picked the habit up from the other first.

 

“I missed you,” Syed whispered. He looked up and blinked. Christian's green eyes were still so emotive. So much hurt and anger swirled in them and yet all the time mixed in with other feelings. Caring, comfort, relief.

 

“I don't understand how can you still care for me at all after everything I did,” Syed said quietly, knowing his assessment wasn't wrong. Christian may have a few more crows feet around his eyes now and his hair was obviously dyed because it was still blonde in the middle of autumn instead of starting to darken to its winter brown, but Syed knew what he saw in those familiar old eyes hadn't changed and even knowing those feelings were still there, he still struggled to get his head around it.

 

“Because I don't have a choice,” Christian admitted. “Because it has nothing to do with me. My heart chose you a long time ago. All I can do is try and find a way to live with that.”

 

“I love you,” Syed whispered.

 

Christian blinked back tears and then turned away and put some space between them.

 

“Christian?”

 

“I'm sorry, Sy, I'm not ready to say it yet. Its too soon. Lets just think on what we've said, yeah? We can talk more tomorrow.”

 

“Okay. Yeah, that sounds good. Well, I'd better get downstairs then. Dad'll be thinking I'm planning on staying over, or something,” Syed tried to joke.

 

“Actually your Dad left a while ago.”

 

“What?”

 

“Heard his car drive off as you were on your way up,” Christian explained as he walked to the window. He pulled the curtain back and looked out quickly then pulled back, still holding the curtain open in invitation for Syed to have a look for himself him. Syed stepped forwards, leaning close to the window to look out and sure enough his father's car was no longer there. Suddenly he became aware of just how close Christian was standing and the familiar way Christian was looking at him. Intense, but with soft affection. A look no one but Christian had ever been able to master.

 

Clearly whatever their heads said, their hearts and bodies were still as eager as ever.

 

Christian stepped back. “Come on,” He said, changing the subject, “We'll make up the sofa in a minute. There's something I want to show you first.” Christian stepped back, leading Syed out of the living room towards the hallway and two small bedrooms.

 

“Where are we going?”

 

“I'm sorry to break it to you, Sy, but your Dad didn't just bring you over here out of the goodness of his heart.” Christian stopped outside one of the closed doors. “Something he saw made him change his mind about me and about you being with me.”

 

“And its in this room?”

 

“Go in and see.”

 

Syed stared at Christian as if he was trying to work out whether Christian was pulling his leg.

 

“Go on,” Christian urged. He reached around Syed, getting too close for just a moment in order to get at the doorknob and open the room when Syed failed to do it himself. “Take a look. Its good. I promise.”

 

Tentatively Syed looked in the door and then stared, dumbfounded.

 

“Her name's Maisie,” Christian said simply.

 

~

 

Christian could see Syed was stunned speechless at the sight of the little girl curled up, sleeping, in her bed. A pink night light bathed the room in a pale pink glow. A little girl with dark skin and a long plaid of dark hair sucking her thumb, sound asleep.

 

Christian, standing back in the hallways moved forwards until he stood just behind Syed. This was a special moment, one he wanted to be close enough to remember.

 

“Christian!” Syed gasped. It was a child. A child had changed his father's mind? But how? And why? He opened his mouth to ask more questions but Christian hushed him.

 

“Shh...you'll wake her.”

 

“Is she yours?”

 

Christian smiled mysteriously to himself. “I think so, in every way that matters, but not biologically, no. She was left on my doorstep at my old flat three years ago.”

 

“And what, you just kept her?”

 

“Not exactly. Had to go to court first, fight my corner and all that. According to the police abandoned babies are often left them in a place the mother think the child will be found or cared for, sometimes near a friend or relative or...the other parent. That's why they let me keep her.”

 

“The other parent?” Syed zeroed in on this part of Christian's explanation, partly because of Christian's tone and partly because that part of the explanation made the least sense. Christian was out and out gay. Was that why the child was left with him, because someone wanted him to raise her? Or could Christian really have slept with a women? “I thought you said she wasn't yours.”

 

“She isn't,” Christian said softly, “She's yours.”

 

~


	12. Chapter 12

Title: Maisie (12/17)

Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

Author's Note: This will probably be the last update for a few days.

 

~

 

Part 12

 

Syed tensed. He stared at Maisie unable to tear his eyes away and when his eyes began to itch he blinked twice and then stared some more.

 

“Sy?”

 

“I...I...I...” Syed was so shocked and overcome his brain struggled to form coherent words. Finally he had to ask Christian again. It was impossible, surely. “I don't understand.”

 

Christian spoke softly as if talking to a frightened animal, knowing this couldn't be easy for Syed. “Found her when she was just a baby, sitting there tucked up in a carry cot on my doorstep. One look in her eyes and I knew who her father was.” He paused, seeing doubt in Syed's eyes and knew he would have to reveal everything to convince Syed of the truth. “I'm sure, Sy. They did a DNA test.”

 

“DNA? That's impossible. They'd need my blood or something and I wasn't there. You must be mistaken.”

 

Christian sighed. “I gave them a hairbrush you left. I'm sorry, I know I didn't have your permission but the only way to keep her was to prove your paternity and argue I should look after her as your fiance. I had to do it, Sy, the social workers wanted to put her up for adoption. I couldn't let that happen.”

 

Syed nodded. DNA. It was definite then. He glanced at Maisie again then stepped out into the hallway, needing some space.

 

There was a long pause as Syed struggled to come terms with this newest revelation of the night. Confusion warred with a fury of whirling feelings that made him dizzy, the word 'DNA' ringing in his head over and over again telling him that this wasn't a dream, it wasn't a hoax which meant it must be real. He was a father. The little girl sleeping in the bed was his. His daughter. Maisie.

 

Syed paced a few steps forwards, a few steps back. “I just don't understand, I haven't been with a woman since...” Syed stopped abruptly as realisation mixed with shocked horror dawned in Syed's already overwhelmed mind. His knees went weak and Christian grabbed Syed's arm to steady him.

 

Syed looked at the arm and then up at Christian. “Amira...” He whispered. Amira had fled Walford pregnant. She had lied to his face. She had failed to tell him what he had a right to know as Maisie's father and when he glanced at the girl again he knew Christian was right – Maisie had a strong likeness to both her birth parents.

 

“How could she do that? How could she just leave her own child on the street?”

 

“I don't know, Sy.”

 

“You've never seen her? You've never gone to her father's? She's never stopped by or anything?”

 

Christian shook his head. “I haven't seen her in Walford and I couldn't contact her without running the risk of seeing Qadim.”

 

Qadim. Syed swayed again and Christian wound an arm around his waist and guided him over to the chair in the corner of Maisie's room. “Sit tight and I'll get you some tea, yeah?”

 

Syed gave a small nod and then looked over to the bed By the time Christian stepped out of the room Maisie was already absorbing all of Syed's attention and when Christian came back a few minutes later with a mug of hot, milky tea Christian sensed Syed hadn't moved at all. Carefully he pressed the hot mug into Syed's hands and asked him if he was alright now. It seemed to be one kindness more than Syed knew how to deal with. The combination of the revelations of the night and Christian's proximity and being looked after like this was too much. Syed's face crumpled. Tears leaked from his eyes and Christian found himself setting aside his own resolve and better judgement. He kneeled down on the floor beside the chair and reeled his old friend in for a hug.

 

“Hey, shh, its alright. Its alright,” Christian whispered. Doing what came naturally to him he comforted Syed who cried a few more tears and then tried to compose himself and pulled away a few inches, just enough to be out of Christian's embrace, while still close.

 

“How old is she?”

 

“Three, now. Turns four in January. No one really knows the exact day she was born so we celebrate the day that I found her instead. Can't be far off though. Doctors reckoned she wasn't more than a week old when I found her.”

 

Syed muttered in disbelief. “January? I only left in November. That's less than two months apart!”

 

Christian let one of his hands rub Syed's arm soothingly. “I know. I did look Sy, for you and Amira both but I couldn't find you,” He said softly. “I'm sorry.”

 

“I'm sorry too. Great record I've got, haven't I? Lied to Amira. Drove her away. Ran away from you. Abandoned my daughter and last but not least I believed my parents. Biggest mistake of my life.”

 

“Give yourself a chance, Sy. You can't change what you did, but you can decide what to do about it now. You know, aybe as well as getting me to trust you again you need to learn to trust yourself again – or at all.”

 

“Hey!”

 

“Well come on, Sy...”

 

“I wasn't that bad!”

 

Christian's expression betrayed his extreme scepticism at this comment.

 

Syed sighed. “Trusting myself had a different meaning then, Christian. It meant trusting myself to keep up the pretence, to act straight, which meant trusting myself to keep my hands off you while you were strutting around in skin tight t-shirts, trying your damnedest to get me to jump you at every turn.”

 

Christian grinned a cocky grin. “Worked though, didn't it?”

 

“Shut up,” Syed groused.

 

Mood somewhat lightened, Christian sank to the floor and leaned back against the wall and for a long time they sat together in silence watching her sleep. Christian watching Maisie, Syed watching Maisie, Christian watching Syed watching Maisie – but Syed's eyes never moved.

 

~

 

“I've missed so much,” Syed whispered after a while, his voice shaking with emotion. “Four years. Allah's punishment for leaving you.”

 

“Oh, don't start all that rubbish again.”

 

“I should have been there.”

 

“I've got photos. Baby stuff that I saved. I wrote down every smile and every step for you in case you came back and for her when she gets older. Besides, look at her! You did good. Going to be a little heartbreaker when she gets older.”

 

Older. Older meant boys and dating and sex and periods. God, that was definitely too much for one night. Putting all that but he put it to the back of his mind he rose off the chair and sank to the floor beside Christian, both putting earlier tensions aside to savour this special moment with the three of them together for the first time. “Tell me about her?” Syed quietly asked.

 

“Maisie? Well she's cute, obviously. Lovable. Addicted to cuddles which means I'm trying to wean her off crawling into my bed in the middle of the night. She can be a bit suspicious of new people, so don't be surprised if she doesn't know what to do with you for a bit. Oh and she's not a morning person – like someone else I know,” Christian teased Syed.

 

“What else?” Syed asked eagerly.

 

Christian chuckled softly. “She's not even four, Sy. Give her a chance. Got a lot of growing to do yet. I will say this, though, She can be very determined when she wants to be. I see definite glimmers of mother hen syndrome.”

 

“Wonder where she gets that from?” Syed glanced sideways at Christian.

 

“Your mother,” Christian retorted.

 

“Don't even joke!” Syed hissed in a hushed, urgent whisper until he realised the glint in Christian's eyes for what it as. Christian was winding him up - and there it was, that twinkle in Christian's eye and that little teasing hint of tongue between his teeth that always affected him and Christian knew it.

 

Was Christian flirting with him?

 

Syed budged Christian with his shoulder. “Be serious! I'm having a moment here!”

 

“She pouts like you too.”

 

“I do not pout!”

 

“Do so!”

 

“Christian, stop! You're going to wake her up!”

 

They both glanced at Maisie. Nope, sound asleep – but they calmed down after that, wary of waking her up.

 

“Does she know about me?” Syed asked.

 

“A bit. I'm her legal guardian, but she calls me Dad and she knows in theory she has another one but she has trouble understanding something if she hasn't seen herself so I didn't go into it too much. Didn't want to make it too complicated for her, you know? Only started nursery a couple of months ago and its just been me and her since she was a baby. She'll get used to it though.”

 

“She's why you were asking me all those questions earlier.”

 

“I needed to be sure you were serious about sticking around.”

 

“I get that. Um, and there's no one...er...I mean, Dad said you were single but if there's an ex or someone that she's used to being around...”

 

Christian chuckled. “No, but feel free to ask again. I forgot how cute you are when you stutter!”

 

“Hey!” Syed protested. Did Christian really have to laugh at him? He shifted a few inches away, childishly not wanting to be so close when Christian poking fun at him, but Christian picked up on Syed's mood and tried to soothe his ruffled feathers.

 

Christian paused. Sighed. “There were guys for me as I'm sure there was for you. Four years is a long time, but none of the guys ever hung around and I never let any of them anywhere near Maisie so you can stop being a worry wart.”

 

“I'm sorry.”

 

“Yeah, well, parents worry. Just don't go overboard with it, that's all.”

 

“No, I mean, I'm sorry none of your relationships worked out.”

 

“Don't be. I'm not. Wasn't really trying, was I? Too hung up on this bloke from the past.”

 

Syed frowned.

 

“I'm still in love with you, Sy. There, I said it. I tried not to but my heart just don't work like that,” Christian's fingers reached out to the corner of Syed's collar. A small caress, intimate yet somehow distant. “All of ten minutes with you and my resolve crumbles.”

 

~

 

They took another long moment to watch the even breaths of sleep until Christian finally stood up and dragged Syed away, pulling the door closed behind them.

 

Syed was disappointed. “I want to see her.”

 

“Tomorrow,” Christian assured Syed quietly and ran a hand over Syed's still black hair. “You're exhausted.”

 

“Please, Christian, five minutes.”

 

“Fine. You can watch over her for five minutes while I make up the sofa and then were are both going to bed. Separately. Maisie needs her sleep and so do I.”

 

“Oh,” Syed wilted in disappointment. “I thought maybe we could talk some more.”

 

“Tomorrow,” Christian repeated and finally Syed nodded.

 

“Okay.”

 

~o0o~


	13. Chapter 13

Title: Maisie (rating 15 for this chapter, at a guess)

Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

Author's Note: Wasn't expecting to get this up today but I got a window and managed to get this written. From now on things will probably be a bit more relaxed in terms of pacing and more character interaction. At least that's the plan. Also I haven't really read this through thoroughly. Scanned it and didn't spot anything major but if there are any mistakes that I've missed can someone let me know? Thanks.

 

~

 

Part 13

 

The sofa was made up, a spare toothbrush and razor handed over and awkwardly, each of them began to make their way to bed. They bumped into each other going into the bathroom, both dressed only in boxers and t-shirts and both insisting the other go first. Finally they went their separate ways, Christian along to the other bedroom and Syed along to the sofa where they each separately lay awake for a long time, both too aware of the other just yards away. Both wanting more but too afraid of ruining their tentative agreement to try and work through the past and put it behind them.

 

Eleven o'clock rolled around, then midnight, then one. Fed up of dozing and unable to get into a deep sleep, Christian threw back the covers and padded through to the kitchen hoping that a cup of hot chocolate might help him settle down.

 

In the living room that overlooked the square Syed turned restlessly, the spare duvet he'd been given getting tangled up amongst his limbs. It wasn't that the sofa was uncomfortable. Any other night he'd be out like a light, it was that his mind just wouldn't let him rest. When he heard footstep make their way into the kitchen he sat up and looked in the open door watching Christian moving around.

 

He looked good. Syed could only wish he would still look that good when he hit his forties. Long, muscled legs disappearing beneath his boxers. Narrow male hips that led up to Christian's strong, wide back and shoulders. Men were so much more beautiful in his eyes than the hourglass female form but Christian was beautiful, even for a man. Once, he'd known every inch of that body. Much of it seemed the same but now little bits were different. Christian's waist wasn't quite as slim as it had once been, though it was still impressive for his age. The very short hairs at the nape of his neck showed a hint of grey where his hair had been trimmed between colourings to keep it straight and neat the way Christian liked it.

 

Christian bent over to get something out of the low-down fridge and Syed tilted his head sideways to admire the pert buttocks staring back at him.

 

Most of all though, more than the grey and the softer corners and the slightly less well defined muscles, the thing that Syed noticed the most was the harshness in his eyes that hadn't been there before. The bitterness and loneliness that had built up over the years that Christian was clearly trying not to throw between them, probably for Maisie's sake, even while he clearly struggled with his own resentment.

 

“So are you going to join me or what?” Christian spoke to Syed over his shoulder.

 

“I don't know. Rather like the view from here,” Syed replied, but he did get up and make his way through the connecting door to the kitchen as Christian pulled out a pint of milk and a tub of hot chocolate powder and began making some for them both.

 

“Its not that I...” Christian paused and looked over at Syed but it seemed that Christian didn't quite know what to say so he finished putting the hot chocolate together and put it in the microwave. Syed tried to help clear up and inevitably the two of them ended up standing close together again, Syed reaching around Christian to reach the milk to put it away and Christian too aware of him, inches separating Christian's back from Syed's front with only a couple of flimsy layers of cotton between them.

 

Christian turned around. They stared at each other for a long moment and then Christian cupped Syed's neck and brushed his lips across Syed's. The broke apart for a couple of seconds and then met again, the kiss eager and tentative; passionate and restrained.

 

“Christian? I thought you said you wanted to wait.”

 

“I do, I...I just really missed you Sy.”

 

Syed looked at Christian and seeing no objection in his eyes, pressed their hips together and leaned in for another kiss. Christian was first to pull back.

 

“We shouldn't.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Maisie.”

 

“Maisie who is sound asleep.”

 

“I won't just...I don't trust you Sy. I want you but how do I know you won't just leave as soon as you've got what you want from me.”

 

“And you think that's sex?”

 

“I don't know Sy. Why suddenly come back after four long years? Because your Dad says so?”

 

Syed paused for a moment, anger crackling the air. “Because when he told me you were here nothing and no one – not the hounds of hell and certainly not my mother – was going to stop me from getting to you.”

 

Christian sighed and stepped a way, then raised his eyes and looked at Syed, clearly unsure about what to make of the declaration. Unsure whether to believe Syed.

 

Syed gently reached out for Christian's hand and reeled him in for a gentle kiss, settling his free hand at Christian's waist.

 

“I love you,” Syed repeated. “And if its alright with you I'd like to stay.”

 

“With a sad old middle aged queen like me?”

 

“With Christian Clarke. Love of my life.”

 

Christian looked scared for a moment and then brushed it off with a lame attempt at a joke. “Pull the other one,” He muttered.

 

A cheeky smirk came over Syed's face and he let the hand at Christian's waist drift down to cup his groin.

 

Christian groaned. He might be a few years older now and a bit slower on the uptake but Syed's low voice and the feel of his hand that teased him through his boxers was having the same reaction to him that he had always had. He grabbed Syed around the shoulders and crushed the smaller man's body to him.

 

“God, Sy, why do you always do this?”

 

“Do what?”

 

“Make me horny for you?”

 

Syed grinned cheekily, “I promise still to respect you in the morning.”

 

“Cheeky bugger.”

 

“Infidel.”

 

And proud of it,” Christian grinned and slid his hands into Syed's boxer shorts.

 

Syed groaned.

 

“Makes life more...interesting,” Christian leaned in and whispered into Syed's ear.

 

“Are we having sex?” Syed asked with difficulty. Forming actual words never mind complete sentences was getting increasingly difficult right about now.

 

“Do you want to have sex?” Christian countered.

 

“I just want to make you happy.” Syed said without needing to think about it at all, but he realised it must have been the right answer because Christian pulled down his boxers with his free hand and encouraged Syed to wrap a hand around his erection.

 

The illicitness of them heightened their excitement, each listening carefully for any noise from Maisie's room as they muffled their moans and groans in each others shoulder and then collapsed against each other as they brought each other off, staying that way for a long moment. A tea towel grabbed at the last minute had caught most of their cum and it was discarded in the corner in the absence of a laundry basket nearby.

 

“Definitely happy,” Christian grinned and they clung together for a few moments longer.

 

“Mutual masturbation. What are we? Twelve?” Syed muttered.

 

Christian leaned down and pecked him in the cheek and then tucked Syed in. "You and your silly notions," He whispered affectionately poking fun at his lover. "It doesn't always have to be about penetration, you know. Now how about some hot chocolate?”

 

“How can you think about food at a time like this?”

 

“I'm hungry!”

 

Syed shook his head. “We're not going to talk are we, because I don't know how much more of that my head can take.”

 

“Alright, no talking. How about we just enjoy each others' company for a while,” Christian suggested.

 

Syed smiled and nodded and took Christian hand. As Christian went about finishing their drinks Syed stayed close, getting in the way but Christian was too happy to shoo him away. Now that all of the tough talking was over and before all of the messy Maisie stuff got sorted out, he could just take some time to enjoy Syed, before life started complicating everything again.

 

~

 

A while later, too short for both their liking, Syed and Christian sat on the sofa leaning against each other and Christian reluctantly mentioned that he should probably go to his own bed and get some sleep.

 

Syed look at him in hesitation, wondering if that was an invitation and couldn't help the disappointment when it quite clearly wasn't.

 

“Please, Sy, don't pressure me. I'm going as fast as I can here.”

 

“Of course, I'm sorry,” Syed stood up as if to walk Christian out and then hesitated, because this was Christian's flat after all and the other man was only going the length of the front hall. As Syed watched him go with sad eyes, this time it was Christian who turned around and stared back. Reunions aside, there was still so much distance between them and in an effort to do what he could to bridge the gap, after putting so much pressure on Syed to make this work, Christian took a couple of long steps and paused in front of Syed, then kissed him. It spoke of held-back passion and a deep, intense longing. Too soon Christian pulled away, panting, and rested his forehead against Syed's.

 

Syed was confused. Christian was giving such mixed signals, wanting but not wanting. Making moves and then pulling back.

 

“Thank you for coming back,” Christian said quietly. “I should have said it before.”

 

“I'm going to make this work, Christian. I promise.”

 

Christian nodded and then kissed him again, a short peck on the lips.

 

“I'll see you in the morning?” Christian asked tentatively.

 

A smile was all the answer Christian needed and even as Christian turned to go, Syed held onto him for as long as he could before Christian tugged his hand away and with a last glance, turned and went to his room.

 

This time neither lay awake for very long, drifting off to sleep quickly with matching smiles on their faces.

 

~o0o~


	14. Chapter 14

Title: Maisie

Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.  
Author's Note: Another chapter out! I've made the usual checks but once again it might have a few rough edges.

 

~

Part 14

 

It was six am in the Clarke household. Christian were sound asleep, each having fallen asleep finally exhausted, in their own parts of the flat. It was enough for now that they were subconsciously aware of the presence of each other, without pushing things too far by rushing the physical side of their relationship before they were both ready for it, even though it took great restraint on both their parts.

 

The third sleeping person in the Clarke residence woke slowly. She twisted beneath the covers, hanging onto the last vestiges of a wonderful dream that she fully intended on regaling to her father, only as wakefulness came the dream fled and she was not in a dream land with all her imaginary friends, but alone in her bed.

 

Maisie lay for a moment and then pushed the covers back and sat up. It was still dark outside, but that was okay because she had her pretty purple night light to see by. Sleepily she slid out of bed, her feet reaching the floor with a quiet, 'thud' muffled by carpet. She swayed for a moment, dizzy from standing up too soon and then rubbed her eyes then located the door and made her way towards it. Being too short, she had to fetch her magic step from were it lived under the bed to keep the monsters away and dragged it over to the door. Standing on her tippy toes on top of her step she was just able to reach the door handle and pull it open enough toe get out into the hall.

 

Tiny feet pitter-pattered along the hall and she was happy to find that on this morning, as on most other mornings, her father's door was standing ajar, so he could hear her if she got up in the night in spite of the door that was closed to try and stop her straying from her room during the night.

 

Maisie pushed the door open and slid inside, making her way over to the bed. A big hump on the left hand side revealed the presence of her father and even though it was still dark she knew he would be there, because he always slept on that side. Carefully, so as not to wake him, she lifted the duvet at the bottom of the bed, stuck her head underneath it and with a jump, climbed up and wriggled along under the covers until she popped out the other end and found her father's sleeping head. He was laying away facing from her so she pulled at his arm until he rolled over and she could burrow under his arm.

 

“Daddy.”

 

“Mmm.”

 

“Daddy...”

 

“Maisie, its too early,” Christian's blearly eyes blinked open.

 

“Daddy can I watch cartoons?”

 

Christian crushed Maisie to his chest and placed a kiss on her forehead.

 

“Alright sweetheart. Half an hour.”

 

Maisie hugged and kissed Christian and then wriggled out of bed and dropped back to the floor. Sleepily she stuck her thumb in her mouth and padded out of her father's room.

 

~

 

The first thing Syed was aware of was light. Flashing light that shouldn't be there when he was asleep. The he became aware of something annoying at his eyes and blinked his eyes open to find a little hand with little fingers poking at his face. Gently as he could he pulled the little hands away. A vague memory flashed in his head of pulling at his parents eyelids as a child. He remembered wondering where their eyes went when they slept but it was very peculiar and unpleasant to be on the receiving end of it. When he was sure the little hands were making no further effort to prise his eyelids open any more, he looked up at the owner of those hands and found familiar amber eyes stared back at him.

 

Satisfied he was awake, Maisie stuck her thumb in her mouth and stared at him.

 

“Are you Santa?” She spoke around her thumb.

 

“Sorry?” Syed rubbed at his eyes. His brain wasn't working. It wasn't even daylight outside. What was going on?

 

“Auntie Jane said Santa comes in the night and bring presents.” Maisie explained around the thumb stuck in her mouth.

 

Slowly Syed smiled as last night came to him.

 

Maisie.

 

This was Maisie with beautiful long wavy hair so like her mother but his eyes – she definitely his eyes blinking sleepily.

 

“I did come in the night, didn't I?”

 

Maisie nodded.

"And I would love to get you a present but not right now, okay I don't have any with me.”

 

“Did you forget them?”

 

He cleared his throat nervously. “No, I...” He stopped. He didn't know what to say.

 

Syed wriggled and pressed back into the sofa to try and see her better without having to sit up. It was too early and he wanted to go back to sleep but there was also the fact that this was his daughter and he couldn't wipe the stupid grin off his face. “You must be Maisie.”

 

Maisie nodded. She looked at him curiously.

 

~

 

Christian's eyes shot open.

Maisie.

 

Cartoons.

 

Sofa.

 

Syed.

 

Christian's slow brain was suddenly fully awake and he jumped out of bed and briskly made his way to the living room.

 

“You must be Maisie,” he heard Syed speak as he walked and he rounded the corner to see Maisie nodding. Neither of them had spotted him yet so he hung back to watch.

 

“Do you have reindeer?”

 

“Oh, um, Maisie I'm not actually Santa.”

 

“Is it a secret?”

 

“No, Maisie, its not a secret, its just-”

 

“Are the reindeer on the roof? I won't tell anyone. I promise.”

 

Syed bit his tongue, not wanting to let her down, again, but he had to tell her. “Maisie, I'm not Santa. I know I came in the night, like Santa, but, uh, Santa doesn't usually stay the night and, um, I don't have any presents.” Syed explained awkwardly. “Or reindeer.”

 

Christian bit his lip, smothering a laugh at the ridiculous situation Syed had managed to dig himself into and the disappointed look on Maisie's face. Christian had to admit he'd himself into that one. He should know better than to let a kid get the upper hand on Syed caught the snigger and the two looked at each other, their eyes meeting.

 

Christian shook his head, trying not to laugh out loud at the predicament Syed had gotten himself into while Syed rolled his eyes, silently jesting 'thanks for all your help!' and glared at Christian for laughing at him but Syed couldn't stay surly with Maisie around and the glare became an indulgent smile when he caught Maisie's adorably confused look.

 

Syed glanced over to the doorway wanting to see what Christian thought. Maisie followed the direction of his eyes and when Maisie saw Christian standing there she looked between them, clearly wondering what was going on, and then looked back at Syed.

 

“My name is Syed. Your father and I are old friends,” Syed glanced at Christian again.

 

Christian's eyes met Syed's and for a few seconds their gazes locked together, both fondly remembering the night before and Christian's mouth tugged up in a small smile as walked further into the room and stopped in front of the sofa.

 

Silently they communicated with each other over Maisie's head. Syed knew what he wanted but he didn't dare to hope that Christian would allow it. Meanwhile Christian decided from Syed's reaction that it was right to make this step. If Syed had displayed arrogance then things might be different but Syed had left it up to him, so he decided to reward Syed by letting him have this and indicated for Syed to shift his feet off the sofa.

 

Syed grumbled but complied and watched curiously to assess the dynamic between Christian and Maisie as Christian called her over.

 

“Come here, love,” Christian pulled Maisie up onto his knee and she cuddled into his side, facing Syed.

 

“Daddy?”

 

Christian pulled gently at her fist, urging her to stop sucking on her thumb. “You remember I told you a while ago that you have another Dad?”

 

Maisie shrugged.

 

Christian sighed. He knew it would be difficult for her to understand. All sorts of complicated things went through Christian's head trying to find away to explain it, but she wasn't even four yet and she had no idea what a father was. He, Christian Clarke, was her father and she knew that but she didn't question why, or ask what it was that made him her father. He just was.

 

“Maisie, Syed isn't Santa. Santa doesn't come until Christmas, remember?"

"But he said-"

"Maisie, Syed - he's your Dad. Your other Dad.”

 

“Why?” Maisie pouted petulantly. She didn't like the sound of this at all. Santa was one thing. Another grown up was another. Santa wasn't really a grown up because he lived at the north pole and had elves and reindeer and he didn't count.

 

“Because I love him and he loves me – and you – and he has done for a long time, he just couldn't be here but now he is and he'd like the chance to get to know you.”

 

Maisie was silent at this. Assessing things.

 

“Maisie, at nursery a lot of your friends have a Dad and a Mum, right?”

 

Maisie nodded.

 

“Well this is like that, except you have a Dad and another Dad and he'll be around a lot from now on, right Sy?” Christian looked at Syed sharply.

 

“Uh...” Syed cleared his throat nervously. “Right. I mean, yes.”

 

Maisie still stared at Syed suspiciously. Another Dad? This changed everything! She definitely would have preferred Santa.

 

“He doesn't feel like a dad,” Maisie muttered.

 

Syed squirmed uncomfortably. Right now he didn't feel like much of a Dad either. He didn't have a clue how to talk to her. This wasn't like Kamil his baby brother whom he had known since birth and who had long since become the new apple of their parents eye. Mostly Kamil was just completely hyper. Maisie...wasn't. Moreover, although he was Maisie's father and he had seen her the night before, Maisie had never laid eyes him before. She knew nothing about Syed Masood. He was a complete stranger. She didn't love him. She didn't even have to like him and while Maisie didn't look angry or upset she clearly wasn't taking this lying down either.

 

Christian sighed. “Maisie, I know this is new and different for you and its all very sudden, but we'll work this out.”

 

“Do I have to call him Dad?”

 

Christian looked at Syed, apology in his eyes.

 

Syed was accepting though. “Not if you don't want to,” He told Maisie.

 

“Will you still get me a present?”

 

“Yes, Maisie.”

 

She weighed up her next question. “Do you love me?”

"Yes."

"How much?"

 

“Very, very much,” Syed replied instantly with a smile.

 

This seemed to satisfy her. She stuck her thumb in her mouth again and put on her cutest, most innocent expression. “Can I have a pony?”

 

~o0o~

AN: So what do you think of Maisie? Really. Be honest.


	15. Chapter 15

Title: Maisie

Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

 

~

 

Part 15

 

Christian's shoulders shuddered in silent laughter at the rabbit-in-the-headlights expression on Syed's face and the faux-innocent expression on Maisie's face as she blatantly manipulated Syed, trying to see how much she could get away with.

 

“Um...” Syed looked to Christian for help and when he saw the barely held back laughter knew Christian was enjoying his squirming all too much. “No?” Syed hesitated.

 

Maisie sucked on her thumb and pulled every trick in the book to look cute and innocent. Christian chuckled and kissed Maisie's head. “Don't be a monkey,” He said, standing up and prised Maisie off himself. “Now if you want a cuddle snuggle up to Syed for a bit because I am going to work out.”

 

Maisie considered this for a moment then ran over to the television, switched it on and ran back to the sofa and climbed on the other end, unsure about Syed but feeling sure enough to steal the bottom of his blanket. Syed couldn't take his eyes off and when she decided it was okay to lean against him a little bit, he decided not to say anything but let her continue watching, taking the time to just enjoy being with her, even if she was intent on the coloured squiggles moving around on the television.

 

That was until Maisie declared she was hungry.

 

Syed told her to stay where she was and reluctantly crawled out form under the blanket to go and find Christian. The flat was warm, but not as warm as he had been all snug and wrapped up with covers, but the sky was lightening outside and Christian would have work soon, no doubt. He went looking and got as far as the bathroom doorway when he heard the shower running.

 

He hesitated for a moment and then went back to the living room and found Maisie.

 

“Your Dad's busy.”

 

“Nuh-uh. You're right here.”

 

Syed tried to wrap his mind around this.

 

“You mean Daddy,” Maisie corrected. “You got confused.”

 

“Daddy... Christian is Daddy?”

 

Maisie nodded.

 

A flare of jealousy flickered inside Christian, envy that Christian had such a great relationship with Maisie, but he knew that wasn't fair and so he suppressed it.

 

“Alright then, Daddy is busy. Now, why don't you come through to the kitchen and I'll get you your breakfast.”

 

“But you don't know what I like,” Maisie pointed out, even though she was already following him, her little feet padding on the carpet. Syed couldn't get enough of her little feet. How could anyone stand on feet that small? Her pout was just adorable. Normally he was grumpy in the mornings and maybe if he had to deal with her being grumpy every day he would get tired of it but right now he didn't think she could do anything that would make him unhappy with her. Every time he looked at Maisie his heart smiled and a warm feeling buzzed through his body.

 

“Your Daddy is Christian Clarke. I'll work it out,” He told her.

 

Maisie was still suspicious but she was hungry enough to give her new father a shot and followed behind him.

 

~

 

Christian walked into the kitchen a short while later. Having done as much as he could at home with press-ups, sit-ups and weights, he had showered quickly and dressed in a suit. As he entered he had a loose tie slung around his neck and was buttoning the top of his shirt over a white t-shirt underneath to fend off the December cold. He touched the button on the kettle and turned to look at Syed and Maisie finding them engaged in a war of attrition across the small kitchen table.

 

“Daddy does so let me!” Maisie huffed.

 

“Problem?” Christian asked.

 

Syed looked up as Christian stepped closer and he could see Syed was cutting up an apple for Maisie, something he himself did nearly every morning. “She wanted to do it herself but I didn't want her to hurt herself,” Syed waved the sharp fruit knife for demonstration.

 

Stretching the boundaries again, Christian realised. He pulled a chair out and sat between Maisie and Syed. “Maisie? Were you trying to use a knife?”

 

Maisie was silent.

 

Christian waited.

 

Maisie caved first. “I just wanted a go!”

 

Christian sighed. “What did I tell you about using knifes?”

 

“That they're sharp and I'm not supposed to,” Maisie mumbled.

 

“Did you tell Syed that I let you use the apple knife?”

 

Maisie shrugged.

 

Syed, growing increasingly uncomfortable, opened his mouth to speak. “I'm sure she was just-”

 

“Sy, later,” Christian dismissed him quickly and then turned back to his daughter. “Maisie, I'm not angry, I promise. You know I love you, I just want you to tell me the truth. Did you tell Syed that I let you use the apple knife.”

 

A small, reluctant nod.

 

“And do I?”

 

A shake of the head.

 

“So why did you tell him that?”

 

“Christian, really, you don't need to interrogate her,” Syed interrupted.

 

“Syed,” Christian said in a low, warning tone. “Later. Maisie knows right from wrong,” He said looking at his daughter and then reached out a hand to her shoulder, trying to connect with her. “I also know that you're not sure about having Syed around yet but trying to get Syed into trouble with me isn't going to help.”

 

Tears welled up in Maisie's eyes and she began to sniffle.

 

“Kim...Kimmie said...hic...that when...hic...her Mummy brought home a new Daddy...hic...her Mummy spent all her time with her new Daddy...sniffle...and she doesn't hardly ever see her Mummy any more.” The rest was lost in a garble of hiccups and tears that tore at Christian's heart. Maisie was worried about losing him to Syed. That was why she was being hostile, that was shy she was trying to drive him and Syed apart.

 

“Oh, Maisie,” Christian pulled Maisie in for a hug, fighting tears. It seemed so simple. Such a silly little worry that would never, ever happen, but Maisie was only a kid and sometimes he forgot that. She was so grown up and independent, going to nursery already and her fourth birthday was only a few weeks away. The parenting books said their moods could swing quickly at this age and he was finding out the books weren't wrong but even so, it was stupid of him not to consider that Maisie might worry about how Syed's presence would affect their own relationship. “I will always make time for you, I promise. Syed isn't here to take me away from you but if you're worried about something I need you to talk to me about it.” He soothed Maisie with a back rub as she clung onto his torso and neck. “I can't make things better if you don't tell me what's wrong.”

 

Maisie sniffled, resting her head on Christian's shoulder.

 

Tentatively Syed approached, holding the plate of cut up apple as a peace offering, cut up the special way her Daddy did it, exactly as she liked it, which was strange. How would Syed knew that? Carefully she reached out and took a bit, eyeing Syed carefully as she began to nibble on it.

 

Now that Maisie was calmer, Christian prised her away from his shoulder before her tears made a wet patch and dried her face carefully with his thumbs.

 

“Feel better?”

 

Maisie nodded a little.

 

“Now say sorry for lying and for trying to get him into trouble.”

 

Maisie was silent.

 

“Maisie, you lied to Syed and you tried to use a knife. Apologise now or you're going to get a time out. First and only warning.”

 

Maisie huffed but caved. “I'm sorry for lying and for trying to get you into trouble,” She mumbled at Syed, head hung in shame.

 

“And?” Christian prompted.

 

“Thank you for the apple,” She added.

 

“Thank you, Maisie,” Christian praised her, then paused. “Still love me?”

 

“Nuh-uh,” Maisie pouted.

 

Christian tickled her and in spite of her best efforts to keep a straight face, Maisie was soon writhing and giggling and begging Christian to stop until Syed took pity for her and came forward, pulling her out of Christian's arms. Maisie's immediate response was to cling to Syed, grateful for the relief from her father's deadly tickling fingers but then as soon as she began to calm down she seemed to realise she was clinging onto Syed and became unsure.

 

To save his own feelings, not wanting be rejected, Syed gave her a quick hug and kissed her forehead. “I still love you too,” He whispered and then dropped her back on her chair and left the apple in front of her as he got up to go have a shower now that Christian had left the bathroom free.

 

“You, behave,” Syed told Christian playfully.

 

Maisie, giggled, finding this very amusing because Daddy was always the one telling her to behave! No one ever dared tell her Daddy off. It was very funny to see it happen.

 

“Me?” Christian's eyes twinkled. “Now why would I have any reason to misbehave?” He bit his lip and eyed Syed with a small grin tugging at his lips.

 

Syed swatted him. “Behave,” He repeated quietly and then daringly leaned in and pecked Christian affectionately, quickly dancing out of the way as Christian reached for him. “I'm going for a shower,” He called back from the hallway and as she worked her way through the slices of apple, Maisie noticed her father smiling cheerfully all the way through his own breakfast.

 

Her Daddy was smiling.

 

Maisie looked through the walls in the direction of the bathroom where her new Dad was having a shower and wondered about the way he had made her Daddy smile. Daddy hardly ever smiled, but now that Syed was here he couldn't stop.

 

She still wasn't sure about Syed but she liked her Daddy smiling and she liked seeing her Daddy being a bit silly because Daddy could be very stern and serious sometimes and her new Dad had said he still loved her even though she was mean and lied to him.

 

It was all very strange and confusing.

 

~o0o~


	16. Chapter 16

Title: Maisie (16/17)

Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

~

 

Part 16

 

It wasn't perfect. It didn't make everything suddenly fine but as he drove Maisie to nursery that morning with Syed sitting behind him he felt he was getting a little glimpse of the future. He didn't trust Syed but he did still love him, with all his heart and Syed was certainly making an effort. The change in Syed's eyes was clear: Syed wanted this. He wanted Christian, he wanted Maisie, he wanted this life and more to the point, he was prepared to fight for it.

 

It gave Christian hope.

 

“I'll do that stuff today that we talked about last night. I'll make some phone calls. If you want me to see someone, I'll see someone. Maisie's worth it and you're worth it,” Syed told him.

 

Christian reached out and squeezed Syed's hand quickly before moving it back to the gearstick. “Thank you,” He said quietly. “You want me to drive you home?”

 

“No, better not. Drop me at a station on the way back and I'll get the underground or something.” Syed paused. “Actually, I was wondering if maybe we could go out for dinner tonight. All three of us. It doesn't have to be too fancy or anything, I just thought, you know, it would be nice.”

 

“It'll have to be early. Maisie has nursery again tomorrow morning.”

 

“Is that a yes?”

 

“You're asking if we can go out and be in public for the first time as a family. Did you really think I was going to say no?”

 

“Well I'm was hoping not. I'd still like to hear you say it though.”

 

“Yes,” Christian said, briefly leaning towards Syed. “That good enough for you?”

 

Syed smiled. “Six o'clock okay?”

 

“Should be early enough, yeah.” Christian glanced in the mirror at his daughter who was quite blatantly listening in on the conversation. “Maisie how'd you like to go out for dinner tonight?”

 

Maisie appeared to consider this for a long moment and then shrugged.

 

Christian smirked. “She's playing coy. Doesn't know what to make of you yet. I expect taking her out for a fancy dinner won't do any harm.”

 

“Great. Why don't you pick the place, somewhere Maisie will like, and I'll meet you there. I don't know what I'm going to tell my Mum yet, but I'll think of something.”

 

“Okay. Bring a bag with some things if you want and I'll take it home with me. If you're going to be spending time at the flat you're going to need a drawer.”

 

Syed nodded. He was relieved Christian was giving him a chance. He wanted to ask if he'd be going over to see Maisie or Christian or both but he didn't want to spoil the moment.

 

“Might need more than that when Mum finds out what's going on. I'll be lucky if she doesn't chuck me out.” Syed glanced ahead. There were parked cars everywhere and railings along the pavement. Parents and children, some in buggies, some in uniforms like Maisie's milled around the pavements in a slow caravan up the street. Christian indicated to pull into a convenient space as another parent pulled off.

 

“We'll work something out. Sofa's always there.” Christian said as he stopped the car and disengaged the engine. They sat side by side enjoying a moment's silence. Christian reached out and laid a hand on Syed's thigh in an intimate, familiar gesture.

 

“Sy...its good to have you home.”

 

“Its good to be home but... Christian why are you being like this?”

 

“Being like what, exactly?”

 

“Giving me a chance. Asking me to be around for Maisie I could understand. I can even say I was hoping for that but I didn't dare to dream you'd want me back, not after everything I did to you.”

 

“Its like I said last night. Life's too short, Sy. You screwed me over, it hurt. Am I over it? No...but you came back. Took you a long time to get here but now you are I see a change in you. You're willing to fight for us, now,” Christian's thumb began to move on Syed's thigh in a gentle caress that wasn't anywhere near enough for Syed, but they were in public and there were kids everywhere and they were having a moment so he forced himself to sit still and let Christian torture him.

 

“Yeah, about four years too late,” Syed chastised himself.

 

“Better late than never.”

 

“You don't really believe that, do you?”

 

“Syed I resigned myself a long time ago to loving you. You know how I am, always chasing after men – but they stopped chasing after me a few years ago and if you won't have me I doubt anyone else will.”

 

“I'm sure that's not true, Christian. Its not like you're not a catch. You could go to any bar in any part of London and get hit on.”

 

“Don't, Syed, its not about that. Yeah, I enjoy looking good, I like making the effort, but my heart just doesn't want that anymore. No one wants to settle with a guy whose heart will always yearn for someone else. I know this must all be very confusing for you but the reason I'm blowing hot and cold is because I'm struggling to take this at a reasonable pace so we can deal with everything like adults, when all really I want to do is throw myself headlong into your arms and never let go.”

 

“Me too,” Syed whispered.

 

Christian cupped Syed's neck in his palm in a possessive gesture and Syed leaned into it, savouring the touch. “I'll earn your trust back, I promise. I'll do whatever I have to to be there for the two of you.”

 

“You'd better because I can't trust myself with you right now. I see you and all I want to do is kiss you,” Christian confessed, then a small smirk tugged at his lips. “And other things,” He said meaningfully, his words veiled for little ears.

 

He watched as Syed blushed, just as he always had. It made Christian smile and while Syed was busy blushing he took the moment to catch Syed off-guard and ply him with a slow kiss that they both fell into, forgetting where they were or who they were with until...

 

“Daddy, can I get out now?”

 

Christian pulled away a few inches. “You let me kiss you in public,” He muttered, astonished.

 

“Yeah, well, don't get used to it,” Syed whispered back. “And technically its not public, we're in your car so-”

 

“I'm bored!” Maisie moaned from the backseat.

 

“Sorry, sweetheart,” Christian told Maisie and glanced at the car's clock. Maisie was right. They weren't running late, but they would be if they kept this up. “We really should get going,” He said sadly and taking that as their cue both adults opened their doors and climbed out.

 

“Maisie's on my side, I'll get her,” Syed suggested and went immediately to the back seat to unstrap his daughter from her car seat.

 

“You were kissing Daddy,” Maisie accused him as soon as Syed appeared in front of her.

 

“What's wrong with that?” Syed asked, realising for the first time that she may never witnessed Christian kissing another man.

 

“Kissing is ikcy,” Maisie told him, scrunching up her nose. Then Syed grabbed her and lifted her up and she squealed as he placed wet sloppy kisses all over her face. She giggled and tried to bat him away, unsuccessfully until she called out for her father's mercy. “Daad! Stop!”

 

Syed did stop, but not because Maisie asked but because of the other thing she's just said. He stared at her, “What did you say?”

 

Maisie ducked her head, suddenly shy, and muttered something incomprehensible.

 

Syed smiled and glanced at Christian and then back at Maisie who was beginning to wonder why they kept stopping and staring at each other all the time. Maisie wriggled to get Syed's attention and was grateful when he let her down just as Christian came around the car to join them. Maisie immediately toddled towards him with a quick pitter patter of scurrying feet and then slotted her little palm into Christian's large hand. Syed fell in beside them, his arms swinging freely at his side until he felt something soft and warm in his palm and looked down to see Maisie's hand in his. Subtly he was grateful for Maisie was giving him an excuse to walk closer to Christian and it felt good to be like this, a family at last. He wondered if he should say something but Maisie said nothing and so neither did Syed. It seemed Maisie needed to be allowed to take this at her own pace and Syed wasn't going to push her. For once he would learn to be grateful with what he was given.

~


	17. Chapter 17

Title: Maisie (17/17)

Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is inten

~

Part 17

Maisie meanwhile was still musing over this sudden change in circumstances as she tried to decide how it felt to have two grown ups around and whether she liked it or not. Her Daddy was happy and she liked that but she also got less attention from him and that made her feel a bit grumpy. Maisie decided that she wasn't quite sure yet but she figured that if as she had grown ups she might as well put them to good use. She tugged on their hands to get their attention.

 

“Can you swing me?” Maisie asked.

 

“Can you swing me please,” Christian looked down at her.

 

“Please,” Maisie added begrudgingly.

 

“Sy?” Christian asked quietly.

 

Syed shrugged. “Yeah, alright. Don't see why not.” He glanced at Christian who was staring at the pair of them with warm eyes.

 

“On three then. One...two...”

 

Held securely in either hand, Maisie found herself swung high in the air. Her plaited black hair whipped in the wind and adrenaline pumped through her little body until her fathers landed her gently and perfectly on her feet, her hair a little ruffled and her school bag gave a quiet 'thump' as its contents settled in the bottom at her back.

 

Syed looked down at Maisie together and then grinned. “Again?” Syed asked and laughed at Maisie's eager nod.

 

They swung her high twice more until they arrived at the school gates and they were forced to stop.

 

“Again!” Maisie pleaded eagerly. This was definitely fun. You couldn't do this without two grown ups around and Syed was better at it than Auntie Jane so maybe he wasn't completely terrible. In fact having Syed around wasn't so bad really, except that they were doing that thing again where they were staring other and ignoring her as if they had completely forgotten that anyone else existed but each other when she was standing right beside them!

 

“Daddy!” She called out for his attention.

 

The guys snapped out of it and Syed blushed at once again letting himself get distracted by Christian.

 

“Maisie, its time to go to school now,” Christian told his daughter, trying not to be moved by her disappointed pout.

 

Syed however was completely taken in. “I'm sure one more wouldn't hurt,” He suggested.

 

“Uh huh,” Maisie agreed, nodding eagerly and sidling a bit closer to Syed, just to emphasise that at least in this, she was siding with him.

 

Christian looked between them and tried not to be moved but with both Maisie and Syed ganging up on him he didn't last long.

 

“Alright, one more and that's it,” Christian caved and this time Maisie was ready, holding a hand up to each of them and starting the count herself but when she got to three nothing happened. Syed wasn't paying attention he was looking at some lady who had olive skin and dark hair just like she did and Syed did and Daddy was busy looking at Syed look at the lady and everyone was looking very serious all of a sudden.

 

She looked up at her Daddy figuring she had a better chance of getting his attention but when she tugged on his hand her fingers found themselves squeezed in a tight grip that she couldn't get out of and suddenly the happy smiles that her Dads had been sharing just moments before were all gone. It was very unnerving and Maisie was getting the feeling that her Daddy was afraid and that made her afraid and that fierce lady kept staring at them and didn't Daddy always say it was rude to stare? What was going on?

 

“Daddy?” Maisie asked quietly but she got no answer. There was only one thing for it. In desperate need of reassurance she tugged on the other hand. “Dad?”

 

There was a short paused and then Maisie found herself swept up into Syed's arms and she clung to him and rested her head on his shoulder, grateful for the reassurance of his solid presence. That morning when Syed had told her he loved he she wasn't sure but right he was doing all the right things that she needed a father to do so maybe he did. In fact maybe he could help with her Daddy too because even though Syed looked a bit scared, Daddy looked really really scared.

 

“What's wrong with Daddy?” Maisie asked her Dad quietly, keeping one eye on the scary lady who was standing immobile on the pavement level the furthest edge of the playground in the opposite direction from the way they had come. It was very funny because all the grown ups around the school were either Mums and Dads or teachers and helpers and she didn't seem to be either. She just stood there staring at her Dads with a very angry expression on her face and Maisie didn't like it one bit.

 

Maisie's question seemed to snap Christian out of it and he looked at Maisie and then Syed and pulled them both closer. “I'm fine, sweetheart. I'm just worried about Syed,” Christian tried to cover with a weak smile, but he couldn't hide the shaking in his voice or the sudden clenching fist around his heart. It was years since he'd seen Zainab and now here she was, right there and since Kamil wasn't around Christian knew she could only be there because of him and Maisie and Syed. The thing about Zainab was that she was completely unpredictable. There were no depths that woman wouldn't sink to to try and get her way. The last time he could remember seeing a similar expression on Zainab's face had been the night Syed had been forced to come out and he had disappeared for days afterwards. Only Christian didn't want Maisie knowing that he was scared of Syed running and so even though it was very difficult, Christian tried to put a brave face on it for his daughter. “That lady over there is Syed's mum. She's, um, not very happy with him.”

 

Maisie dared a glance at the scary lady. “Nuh, uh,” She argued. “That's Kamil's mum.”

 

“Yeah, well, Kamil is your Dad's brother,” Christian explained in a short, hushed whisper.

 

Well that was just confusing! Maisie looked at Syed to check this and he caught her eye and nodded, confirming the information. Once again Maisie looked at the scary lady. Daddy was right. She certainly didn't look very happy. She was still staring right at them with a very angry, stern expression on her face and Maisie still felt a bit afraid, but then Syed shifted Maisie into one arm and linked his newly freed hand into Christian's and just like that the fear seemed to go away as something soft and gentle passed between her fathers.

Maisie wasn't old enough to understand the quiet significance of that moment as the one where her biological father finally made his choice. Nor did she understand the complex feelings conveyed in that silent communication: that Syed was choosing Christian and Maisie and admitting he loved them in public and Christian, seeing Syed choose him in front of his mother, let a spark of trust for his long lost love light up in his heart for the last and final time. It wasn't a trust that was fully formed yet, but it was the beginnings of it and if Syed broke that trust this time they both knew there was no going back.

 

This was it, for both of them and as the moment stretched and settled they turned their backs and walked away and only Maisie caught the hardened look that crossed the lady's face.

 

“Are you in trouble?” Maisie guessed out loud as they walked away from Syed's mother.

 

There was a long pause and then for some reason Maisie couldn't fathom both her fathers started smiling and then chuckling and then laughing and just like that they were doing that staring thing again only this time she was right between them and instead of feeling excluded it felt like she was wrapped up in a lovely warm bubble that felt...nice. Then her Daddy wrapped his arms around them both in a fierce hug and Maisie decided that was less nice because she was stuck between them and Daddy's cuddles were very strong.

 

“Daddy! You're squishing me!” Maisie complained and she was grateful when her father pulled back and smoothed her ruffled hair.

 

“Sorry sweetheart,” He leaned down and sweetened her with a kiss, then he picked her out of Syed's arms and set her on the ground and this time when she grabbed a hand from each of her Dads she realised that maybe they weren't ignoring her after all. Being together like this, just the three of them, Maisie and her two Dads, it felt...nice.

 

They turned into the school gates then and began to walk towards the building and in that moment Maisie looked at the stern lady over her shoulder and she felt sorry for her, because Syed's mum looked very unhappy and that made no sense because Maisie was starting to think that Syed was quite nice really and he was very good at swings and knew how to make her sandwiches and made her Daddy smile and anyone who could make Daddy smile must be wonderful just like Daddy said she was - but then she remembered that she still wasn't completely sure about him yet and so decided that he was only a little bit wonderful, at least at the moment.

“Dad?” Maisie questioned, watching the school door draw closer. Most mornings she was eager to get in and see her friends but this morning she didn't want to go in quite yet. She wanted to stay in this moment right here for just a little while longer.

 

“Yes Maisie?”

 

“Is Kamil your littler brother.”

 

“Yes, Maisie. Kamil is my little brother.”

 

She took this in and thought over it for a long moment and then prepared her next question.

 

“Dad.”

 

“Yes, Maisie.” Above her heads Christian's eyes twinkled in amusement at Syed's short sigh. There was nothing quite like kids questions to feel like being chucked in at the deep end of the parenting swimming pool and right now Christian was immensely proud of his little girl. He'd certainly managed to hand down his precociousness in some of his time looking after their little girl and she was well and truly putting Syed in his place.

 

“Do you like Daddy?”

 

Syed hesitated. He looked over his shoulder. Christian raised an eyebrow at Syed in a glance shot across Maisie's head. “Yes Maisie.” Syed blushed and pointedly ignored a very amused Christian. “I do.”

 

“Are you going to marry Daddy?” Maisie asked immediately, before Syed could recover.

 

Syed noticed that Christian, too, seemed interested by this question. “I don't know. I might do. Why?”

 

“Well Daddy said that having two Dads is just like having a Mum and a Dad right?”

 

“Uh, right...” Syed had to agree because Christian had said that, but he couldn't help wondering where this was going. Christian caught a glance from Syed, both having the unnerving feeling that their own logic was about be used against them.

 

“...cause when Kimmie's Mum married her new Dad Kimmie got a new baby brother...”

 

Syed and Christian shared a look, both with the same expression of 'uh oh'.

 

“...so, if you marry Daddy does that mean, well, can I get a new baby brother?”

 

Maisie looked up at them, satisfied with her perfect logic only to be disappointed when she didn't get the resounding 'yes' she was hoping for.

 

Christian coughed in an attempt to cover the way he was sniggering quietly to himself, which only got worse when he caught the alarmed look in Syed's eyes.

 

When Syed mouthed 'help' over Maisie's head Christian very nearly lost it. He cleared his throat and tried to keep his face straight, knowing Maisie hated it when she wasn't taken seriously, then looked back at Syed with raised eyebrows that said 'Well you want in on this fatherhood thing? Lets see how well you deal with this one!'

 

Syed gulped. “Maisie...” he started. It was a tone of voice that Maisie automatically knew meant no and so she put on her best pleading expression and blinked her wide hazel eyes.

 

“But I'll share my pony with him and everything!”

 

The End


End file.
